I remember a statement I once heard from my Pastor, “If a man is opening the door of their car for his wife, it’s either of two things- the wife is new or the car is new”. Hilarious! Isn’t it? But really, how many ladies thought their husbands will open the door of the car for them each time they are entering or alighting from a car? Many, right? And how many get it that way? I believe they must be very few especially in this part of the world. Me, I have only seen one man do that in real life sha o (aside cases where the wives are on their way to the delivery room). . . And it was because the car was old instead (the door could only be opened from the outside) lol.
There are several unrealistic rules and expectation we build up in our minds. We refuse to seive the ideas we get from what we read or see in movies. We forget that that’s what it usually is- a movie, written for entertainment.
You know, I read recently about a man who sued his wife for being very ugly and covering up all the while with heavy make-up and only found out after the wedding ceremony how ugly she was. (I also see the before and after photos of some makeovers and all I can say is “Waoh! I hope the makeover is permanent?”). This is what marriage does. It exposes the real you and the real person you are married too.
Many of us wear masks over our real selves. We have a form of humility, gentleness and so on whereas in the real sense of it, we are tigers. Ugly on the inside. Devoid of virtue though we look like we have it.
You had better stop pretending to be who you are not right from this moment. Don’t pretend to be okay with something you are not okay with. Don’t keep quiet when you should talk. Sweeping issues under the carpet will only end up in a disastrous boomerang, trust me. Deal with issues wisely and promptly. Be yourself.
Your spouse will not always be super “charming” but you must choose to love all the same. Your spouse is not perfect and so are you. You are both humans.
One thing that kills the reality of our individual ‘world’ is comparison. You see another woman’s husband helping with the laundry and in the kitchen and your husband does none of that. You assume your own husband is not good enough. You forget that he is a pro at mowing the grass.
You need to always remember that the two people involved in the marriage are uniquely different from each other and every other person in the world. So what do you expect? Marriages are also uniquely different from one to another.
Unrealistic expectations will only put your marriage on reverse gear. Attempting to change your spouse so as to fit your self-invented model will most likely lead to frustration. Stop trying to model your spouse/marriage after someone/someone’s else. Embrace the uniqueness of your spouse. Embrace the uniqueness of your own marriage.
There is a prayer point placed in a conspicuous place in my house, which I pray constantly: “Lord, I don’t want this marriage to be what I think it should be, I want it to be everything You designed it to be!”
I think you should pray that prayer wholeheartedly too.
Welcome to the real world!
~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola