The common thing nowadays is that many people give their best to their jobs, friends, . . . while their spouses get the crumbs that fall from the table. Let’s face the fact. When you leave home by 5.30 am and don’t return until 10 or 11 pm totally exhausted, what’s left to give to your loved one? The odds are that your spouse is rehearsing his/her sleeping moves by the time you get home and that you are so tired that all you have strength left for is to sleep. You do this Mondays to Fridays and sometimes during weekends.
Before you shutdown and say that Omolola does not understand. . . I do understand very well that we need to make money to meet the needs of the family. You would say that all you are doing is solely for the family and that If you don’t invest your energy into the job you may loose it you say and your family will no longer be able to enjoy the luxury they are enjoying now. It is a good thing to be diligent and i applaude you for seeking to give your family a life of convenience. However, Life is more than working like a jackal in order to meet your material needs.
You see, I keep thinking about the reason for the recent increase in the number of couples with marriage problems. I perceive that one major reason is the dynamic nature of our work. The husband is completely engrossed in his work and the wife buries herself in her business. Husbands and wives get caught up in their busy schedules that they forget to nurture the most important human relationship they now have.
Of course, your most productive hours are during the day. And you spend them at work. Because your body is still agile during work hours, you talk politely to your colleagues at work. By the time you get home and your spouse asks you a question or two, you begin to answer through your nose because you are now totally exhausted. You manage to eat dinner and your eyes begin to revolt against staying awake. Your spouse is talking to you in your living room right here in Nigeria but you are far away in Jamaica.
The communication lines get broken down gradually. And you know that saying about little drops accumulating into a mighty ocean? In no time you two become strangers. Your colleagues at work almost know you better than your spouse does. You no longer enjoy the companionship which is one major thing God set marriage up for. Your sex life also goes dormant. The walls of your marriage are being broken down bit by bit. The husband feels that he has found a friend in a female colleague at work and the wife also thinks that her boss understands her better than her husband does.
Do you smell trouble? I do. But it did not start in one day. The trouble had been trickling down in little doses and now it has accumulated into a clog in the pipe of your marriage. If care is not taken my dear married people, that pipe is going to get totally blocked.
Before you exonerate yourself dear woman, I’m coming for you too. . . You spend all your energy tending to your kids so much that by the time your husband gets home from work, you have nothing to offer him as a friend. He tried talking to you about what happened at work the other day and you slept off on him. Do you also remember the other night 4 months ago that he tried touching you and you asked him to wait till later in the week and he is still waiting. . .
Okay let’s leave it at that for now.
The major problem really is the refusal to apply wisdom to our individual situations. It takes wisdom to build a marriage. A wise woman and a wise man build their own marriage.
Building is an intentional act. We must be deliberate with our efforts to make our marriages be what they should be.
Call your spouse during the day. Let him / her know that you are thinking about them. In the midst of your hectic business and the busyness of your day, deliberately do things that will communicate love to your spouse. Let every action of yours pass across the important message of your spouse being the most important human in your life. . . And make sure it’s a continuous action.
I am going to give you one formula that won’t fail- Ask The Holy Spirit to inspire you. He can NEVER go wrong.
Be thoughtful. Decide to relocate your spouse to the top of your priority list today.
Give your spouse your best. That is the way it should be.
And I know that God will be proud of you.
~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola