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I see one of the Pastors’ wife quietly slip into the Church vestry as we were about to end the intercessory prayers that bright Sunday morning. The first thing that struck me that morning was the fact that she was unusually late to Church that morning.

It was still quite early and we could barely see each other’s faces. But when I did see her face, I was totally in shock.

I had noticed one time before that particular day that this soft- spoken beautiful woman had come to church with a bruised lip but seriously I just thought it was a boil or something.

But this time for real, I just felt it in my spirit that something was not right with her. I approached her after service that day and she agreed to meet with me the next day.

She explained to me all the horror she’d been enduring in her marriage of ten years. Years of battering and all sorts of emotional violence.

Many youths had mentioned how they desire their marriage would be like that of Pastor and Mrs X, in my presence

Who could have thought that our ever smiling Pastor X would be capable of hitting his wife?

Who could have thought that this tongue talking and expository teacher of the Word was not upholding the truths of the word he taught and preached day in day out?

Who could have thought that this couple who would always wear matching clothes to every social function and Church service were in actual fact nothing from being in unity?

I couldn’t have thought.

Even the sister in question couldn’t have imagined herself in such a loveless marriage with an hypocritical man.

It is sad that we have to talk about this even in the household of faith. We are however faced with the reality of it.

Well, hear this. God hates all forms of violence.

Before someone will take me up, saying that I didn’t wait to hear the husband’s side of the story. . .

No human or woman deserves to be assaulted. . . Yes. No matter what the woman has done and how unsubmissive she is. Yes, you have no excuse to go down that route even if that was your parent’s way of showing his anger.

Your wife is not your child or slave so why are you treating her like one?

The alarming increase in the number of people suffering from domestic violence is disheartening. I cannot even begin to mention the number of marriages suffering from this menace, that I know personally.

Jesus’ recommendation for conflict resolution spells out the steps you need to take:

 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.  If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17 NLT)

“Speak out” is what I would tell you if you are a victim of domestic violence if trying to reason together personally has not yielded any fruits.

“Fear God” is what I would tell every perpetrator of this evil called domestic violence.

You need the Holy Spirit so you can bear the fruit of self – control

And if you’re single, would you please stop coveting another person’s marriage and pray for God’s ideal marriage for you?

May The Holy Spirit invade every home and fill every heart with the fear of God!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2016

Omosebi Mary Omolola (PhD)

Omosebi Mary Omolola (Ph.D) is a lover of God, a disciple of The Lord Jesus Christ and a teacher by calling. She is on assignment to groom godly youths and women through the help of the Holy Spirit in this end-time. She treasures family. She has a strong desire to see marriages thrive in this troubled world. She speaks and writes passionately about marriage, relationships, and Christian living. She enjoys a beautiful marriage with her husband and best friend. She is a mother, writer, an entrepreneur and researcher and teacher of Food Science and Technology.


  1. You are right sis. Really, the fear of what people would say is a major factor that is holding people bound in abusive relationships. The Bible says that there is safety in the multitude of counsellors. Once a couple cannot (or refuse) to settle their differences like matured people, they definitely need the help of someone else to set them straight.

  2. they said its a virtue of a pastor's wife to be smiling in public even when she is suffering in private.

  3. Really? Who says that? I still don't see how keeping quiet about being beaten to a pulp is okay. I have a case of a Pastor's wife (someone i know personally) who kept quiet quiet over the abuse in her marriage. She lost several pregnancies (miscarriage) and left the brethren in the dark, praying and binding the devil causing the miscarriages not knowing it was the doing if the husband. Thank God she finally summoned courage to speak to someone. Thank God their marriage is on the right track now.
    My caution is that the person in question should let God lead them to the right counsellor. There is a time to keep quit and there is a time to speak. . . There is time for everything. And wisdom is profitable to direct. May God help us.

  4. I thank God for my life ooo,nobody can brainwash me ……rubbish,useless doctrines that send souls to early grave

  5. Can she really speak out? Hmmmmmm touch not my annoited nko? She is being tempted of devil so she must overcome, nko?. Some denominations will remove him as a pastor n his family will coming fighting the abused wife of causing d fall of their brother instead of accepting their fault of raising a Burte! The list is endless that's why she is enduring. My heart goes out to them n I know so many. It's unfortunate!

  6. Lol. I have heard of people though, who have beat their wives before, went through counselling and turned a new leaf. So, I wouldn't just write off a marriage like that. It is possible for an abuser to be helped. My advice is to run to safety pending the time the abuser regains his sanity.

  7. O yes. She can speak out. Once she cannot reason with her husband one on one, it is imperative that she prayerfully finds someone to talk to. Before her adversary devours her. There are too many deaths as a result of this issue of domestic violence. Thank God there are NGOs that cater for the rights of these victims. She should seek help. This is not to break the marriage but to seek peace. Any person you talk to, find someone to caution the person and the Church tries to intervene yet is adamant is obviously not qualified to be called the anointed. Or is he?

  8. Nice writeup sis. There are a lot of women in these shoes nowadays. My advice for any woman suffering any form of violence be it emotional, physical or wareva is to RUN For ur dear life o before u become a corpse. Cheers.

  9. Amen.
    But I can testify to the fact some people are still violent despite their spouses being submissive and all. May God break husbands and wives all together. Since it takes two to tango. Like you said, the ability to submit to the Holy Spirit is the way out of the mess our world is in now.

  10. Dat the truth….,all in d name of what will people say,christianity and even african culture most destiny/life have been destroyed…truth have to be said

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