I will like to share with you two incidences that occurred in my marriage; to let you know or further reiterate to you how important communication is in relationships and how you should react to sensitive issues when raised.
The first incidence: There was a lady who was really close to my husband. They’d been friends before my husband and I got married. I knew they were close pals but I observed their degree of closeness was deeper than I thought, after we got married. The lady is friendly, godly and all. I kinda liked that lady too and I would speak with her over the phone on some occasions. Even after we moved to another town and they didn’t have to see each other every day any more, the friendship was still strong.
But hey, I wasn’t feeling the closeness any longer.
This lady’s message would on many occasions be the first to come in in the morning and then she sometimes called at really odd hours at night; if you know what I mean. My spirit no longer agreed with that depth of friendship. I spoke to my husband about the uneasiness I was feeling. Yeah, just once. His reaction? He weaned himself from that relationship. He practically cut off communication with that lady such that I was the one that would ask after the lady to find out how she was doing and remind my husband about her birthday (because birthdays are really important to me); ask if he had wished her well but he would usually say, “No”. I thought it was an extreme measure taken by him but we discussed the issue and concluded it was better not to feed anything that could breed emotional infidelity.
The other incidence was about me:
One afternoon, after a few hours at work, my husband’s call came in and he said to me, “Why promise you would call back after your devotion at work and returned to the office, but didn’t?” I started arguing with him that I did as promised. He said it must have been in my dreams and then I told him to let me check my call log. I ended the call in order to check if I truly had called or not and I actually checked with the aim of getting proof that I was right all along but hey, I was maximally wrong. To my amazement, I really didn’t call him back.
He told me I had done the same thing some days before too and that was why he decided to call me out on the issue. Ha, me that I can call for Africa? I was overridden by my tight schedule at work that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to my husband for hours; quite unlike me.
I could have turned it on him that what was wrong with him calling back if I didn’t. But I didn’t. Instead, I took dressing.
Him raising the issue made me aware of what I was doing without even noticing it. And that put in me the consciousness of being alert in my spirit to keeping the communication lines open as we had always done.
I decided to share two instances so as to balance up the point I am trying to make.
You will notice that in both instances, we both took appropriate action in making the relationship move forward after the little hitches showed up on our way.
Instead of keeping your grievances stuck away in the corner of your heart, speak out about them. Voice out your concerns to your partner and lovingly try to resolve them.
When you are the one at the receiving end of the act that has caused the displeasure in your partner, please be totally objective about the issue raised. Don’t be quick to wash your hands off all guilt. Make sure you look inward and ascertain the areas you need to work on.
The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.
It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.
Neither is it good to form the habit of always shaking off all faults from yourself when your partner discusses with you issues that matter to them
On a final note, know that no issue should be regarded as too little or too big to talk about with your partner. Make sure to nip in the bud any tree of negativity trying to take root in your relationship, with all sense of promptness.
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