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Communicate and Take Dressing

I will like to share with you two incidences that occurred in my marriage; to let you know or further reiterate to you how important communication is in relationships and how you should react to sensitive issues when raised.

The first incidence: There was a lady who was really close to my husband. They’d been friends before my husband and I got married. I knew they were close pals but I observed their degree of closeness was deeper than I thought, after we got married. The lady is friendly, godly and all. I kinda liked that lady too and I would speak with her over the phone on some occasions. Even after we moved to another town and they didn’t have to see each other every day any more, the friendship was still strong.

But hey, I wasn’t feeling the closeness any longer.

This lady’s message would on many occasions be the first to come in in the morning and then she sometimes called at really odd hours at night; if you know what I mean. My spirit no longer agreed with that depth of friendship. I spoke to my husband about the uneasiness I was feeling. Yeah, just once. His reaction? He weaned himself from that relationship. He practically cut off communication with that lady such that I was the one that would ask after the lady to find out how she was doing and remind my husband about her birthday (because birthdays are really important to me); ask if he had wished her well but he would usually say, “No”. I thought it was an extreme measure taken by him but we discussed the issue and concluded it was better not to feed anything that could breed emotional infidelity.

 

The other incidence was about me:

 



 

One afternoon, after a few hours at work, my husband’s call came in and he said to me, “Why promise you would call back after your devotion at work and returned to the office, but didn’t?” I started arguing with him that I did as promised. He said it must have been in my dreams and then I told him to let me check my call log. I ended the call in order to check if I truly had called or not and I actually checked with the aim of getting proof that I was right all along but hey, I was maximally wrong. To my amazement, I really didn’t call him back.

He told me I had done the same thing some days before too and that was why he decided to call me out on the issue. Ha, me that I can call for Africa? I was overridden by my tight schedule at work that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to my husband for hours; quite unlike me.

I could have turned it on him that what was wrong with him calling back if I didn’t. But I didn’t. Instead, I took dressing.

Him raising the issue made me aware of what I was doing without even noticing it. And that put in me the consciousness of being alert in my spirit to keeping the communication lines open as we had always done.

I decided to share two instances so as to balance up the point I am trying to make.

You will notice that in both instances, we both took appropriate action in making the relationship move forward after the little hitches showed up on our way.

Instead of keeping your grievances stuck away in the corner of your heart, speak out about them. Voice out your concerns to your partner and lovingly try to resolve them.

When you are the one at the receiving end of the act that has caused the displeasure in your partner, please be totally objective about the issue raised. Don’t be quick to wash your hands off all guilt. Make sure you look inward and ascertain the areas you need to work on.

The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.

It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.

Neither is it good to form the habit of always shaking off all faults from yourself when your partner discusses with you issues that matter to them

On a final note, know that no issue should be regarded as too little or too big to talk about with your partner. Make sure to nip in the bud any tree of negativity trying to take root in your relationship, with all sense of promptness.

Shalom!

– OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD 

 

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Omosebi Mary Omolola (PhD)

Omosebi Mary Omolola (Ph.D) is a lover of God, a disciple of The Lord Jesus Christ and a teacher by calling. She is on assignment to groom godly youths and women through the help of the Holy Spirit in this end-time. She treasures family. She has a strong desire to see marriages thrive in this troubled world. She speaks and writes passionately about marriage, relationships, and Christian living. She enjoys a beautiful marriage with her husband and best friend. She is a mother, writer, an entrepreneur and researcher and teacher of Food Science and Technology.

30 thoughts to “Communicate and Take Dressing”

  1. I really love this, so simple to do but hard when you choose not too. Communication is key in all relationships. God bless you with not insights

  2. Great point Dr Omolola Mary Omosebi

    “The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.

    It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.”

    More Grace…Stay Lifted

  3. I am really blessed by this write-ups, though I am not married yet, I believe it will help me a lot when I finally do. Thanks

  4. I really appreciate your write-up. Early amends saves future problem, there’s no point bottling up yourself, it’s not healthy.

  5. I appreciate ur write up ma’am. It spoke to me really! But how do you cope with a spouse who never want to talk or sort out aching issues with you, he is never concern whether u are happy or sad, n wen u try talking about things dat he does that are hindering ur marriage, he care less? Thank you.

    1. Hello dear anonymous,
      I appreciate your feedback and I am glad it inspired you.

      You see, it takes two to tango. And one person can’t force the other to do what they don’t want to do. In such a case as has been presented here, I will say this spouse can only keep talking to the partner about her hurts albeit calmly and lovingly. Most times, when people see that you are confrontational or seem to be accusing them, tend to mount a defence against the person trying to call them to order. A change in approach / presentation of your grievances can go a long way. Let him know that you love him and you only desire to have a better relationship with him like it was when you guys newly were in love. Encourage him to tell what he has on his mind too without trying to defend himself.

      I believe strongly in prayers. God owns the hearts of kings and directs it to wherever He wants. I will suggest that you prayerfully allow God order your reactions and speech to such a spouse henceforth. You can’t go wrong with The Holy Spirit.

      If need be, you might encourage him to let you both seek counseling.

  6. Such a great write-up, I totally love the measure your husband took wt d first issue. Being wt someone DT never dimmed it fit to limit his relationship wt an opposite sex once I was uneasy abt it till I actually found out dere was really more to it n it really broke me n eventually d relationship entirely.. D question is ‘do we still have men DT understand what emotional infidelity means? Dt take what their lady feels really serious? May d Lord raise generation of well meaning young women and men, that is deeply embedded in God and knows wht it takes to cherish their partner.

    1. Wow! Thank you so much ma’am Cecilia for your feedback. It’s rather sad how insensitive some people can be. And this boils down to the fact that many people don’t really understand the concept of love relationships. Thank God you survived that unpleasant experience.

      … I say a very big “AMEN” to your prayer.

      God bless you more.

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