There is this popular Yoruba saying usually made as a way of instruction to wives especially young wives which goes thus: “Ile oko, ile eko ni”. This is loosely translated as “Your husband’s house is a school”.
No wonder it is usually only the woman that is expected to bend herself over backward and even if possible sacrifice herself on the altar of culture while trying to save a marriage that the husband is probably doing all he can to destroy. They leave the woman to do whatever it is she thinks she can to savage the rubble of a marriage because she is the student. What then do you expect from a man who has been indoctrinated to believe that he has nothing to do with making the marriage work and that it is solely the wife’s duty?
Yes, marriage is a school but then not a school with a single student- the wife. From the cultural point of view, she is to bear all the burden.
She is the one that has to study her husband to know his likes and dislikes while the husband just acts as his impulse leads him.
She is the one that must take the tests that the marriage brings and solve every riddle embedded therein.
She is the one that must do asssignments; carrying out research about how not to hurt the male ego and dig out ancient and novel strategies from materials like books and magazines.
She is the one to listen to lecture after lecture about how to make the marriage work from her direct lecturers; pastors, parents, etc with little or no reference to what the roles of the man are.
She must even take extra classes / tutorials by attending as many marriage seminars and workshops as possible while the husband crosses his legs and does nothing to build his own capacity.
Then while he is busy snoring away in dreamland, she has to burn the night candles praying for the family and asking that divinity will make the husband reasonable.
Guess who sets the marking guide? Our forefathers, foremothers and all key players on cultural dictate.
And then when the result is out, she gets all the blame for whatever has taken a downward toll in the marriage. Even if the man is the one to blame, the cultural examiners hide behind falsehood while claiming that it is the ‘wise woman’s’ duty to build the house.
Can we just stop this already?
Marriage is a school for BOTH. It is meant to be as a refiner’s fire that makes BOTH partners better.
BOTH husband and wife are EQUALLY responsible for the success or otherwise of their marriage.
As a matter of fact, even though each person will give account of his input in the failed marriage, the leader, the man who is the head will be the first to be held responsible after all.
Or why do you think that God called out the man and not the woman after they disobeyed God’s instruction by eating the fruit they were asked not to eat?
This is not to totally absolve women of guilt sometimes in causing the failure of some marriages but to ask that the men understand that they have a huge role to play in having great marriages.
Rise up man! Rise up to your responsibility of being the leader. Take responsibility for the health of your marriage.
Change the curriculum used in your marriage to God’s curriculum embedded in His Words and you will begin to see the balance and experience the kind of result that God initially proposed.
May God grant us all the grace to build our marriages according to God’s rules.