Growing up as a child, I wasn’t accustomed to being expressive with my feelings. Hugs were not the in-thing. Neither was the use of endearing words like “I love you”, “You’re my darling”, etc
I guess this kinda got me confused when I got older. I wasn’t really sure what my love language was or what really resonated with my heart when it came to relationships.
As time passed, I decided to embark on a self-discovery journey and I found out that those things that I wasn’t used to were what really resonated with my soul.
I found out that there was something about words that just did it for me
Unknowingly, I was making my need known through my style of expression to my husband. I would write and write ehn. God! I was always writing letters (short and long) and sending text messages. I would type an epistle in a jiffy. Sometimes I wonder whether there is a borehole that oozes words dug inside me; I guess there actually is. ☺
I have really evolved. Now I can freely use words like darling, dear, sweet, etc. And “I love you”? Those are the words that come out from my mouth most often on a daily basis. It has now become a norm for me to express my feelings without holding back. I say it as it is.
Truth is, our environment has a way of impacting us either positively or negatively.
I see the way our children hug ehn and I am like “Wow”, almost everytime. I want to step out for less than 10 minutes and they insist on giving me a hug. They are watching their cartoons while I am in the kitchen and one of them just suddenly walks up to me to give me a hug. I can’t stop wondering how much of huggers they are.
My husband and I have already given up on protesting them turning our couple’s hug to family hug. EVERY single time, once they see two of us hug each other, they dive in. Our son literally jumps on us. We can’t even hug in peace 😂
What’s the difference between my childhood and theirs?
Our growth environments.
We encouraged both of our children’s desire to hug and be hugged. We encouraged the use of endearing words for one another.
Peradventure you are married to a not-so-romantic man or woman, don’t give up on them. It just might not be his or her fault. Reason might be because of the way they were raised. They probably didn’t experience their parents or anyone in particular that they looked up to model free display of affection.
From my interaction with couples, I have realized that most people (women mostly) yearn for affection. The issue of not showing affection by couples in intimate relationships is one that I have seen crop up in so many cases than I can count.
I have heard women complain about how their husbands literally stopped showing affection after a while in marriage. They express their shock at how these same men would go the extra mile to show them affection before marriage and afterwards, they stopped. Poof! The fire was out.
What happened? The women are left in a dilemma.
Here’s what usually happens…
Many people, because of what they are chasing, just put on a camouflage. They borrow and put on the garb of show of affection for that period because somehow, without necessarily being taught, we just know that people yield towards affection. Instead of them to be true to themselves and their partners, they use a white washed tomb approach and later revert to their real selves.
Truth is, these things can be learned; showing and receiving affection. You only need to determine to put in effort into being the person that your partner loves to see. But most people just give up on themselves too soon. They refuse to be INTENTIONAL about their relationships and are not ready to put in the work required to make their dream relationship a reality.
I didn’t just sleep and wake up to find myself at this point where I can now easily express my emotions. Nah. It was difficult peeling off the scales that I had grown with over the years. I had to learn. I had to be intentional about using the endearing words. I had deliberately to infuse show of affection into my daily routine.
And the fact is that God actually created humans to be relational beings. It is already in our makeup to relate on levels as deep as possible. Most times we only need the dormant ‘affectional genes’ to be reactivated. Usually, you just need to format your brain and you will be back to factory settings.
The problem arises when you refuse to embrace the great possibility of you being that expressive person. If you are stuck in the past and refuse to allow yourself to be rebirthed, then it will be impossible to get the best of you.
I just need you to know that if you choose to turn your dream relationship into a reality, it will happen.
You can apply this principle into any aspect of your life. You can WORK anything you want in your life into existence.
God wants you to have splendid relationships.
That’s my desire for you too!
I do sincerely care about your emotional well being.