Skip to main content

My PhD Experience

Just a few days ago, another one of my dear sister friends asked me a question I have been asked on several occasions . . .

She asked, “How were you able to combine all the stuff you did while running your PhD program; being a wife, mother, blogger and obviously committed to church and other activities during that period”

I felt strongly to share my experience through this post in order to encourage you.

Here’s the thing: Of course I am just like any other person. I don’t have some super powers hidden somewhere. I believe that some of the things I will talk about in this write-up should help if you are worried about what running a PhD program looks like and if you can do this.

If you desire to do this, get your mind prepared by the fact that running a PhD program is not ‘beans’. If you study in a place like Nigeria like I did, you will understand how tough it could be.

. . . A place where you have to go from laboratory to laboratory to get your research done because you are not likely to get all the facilities in a single institution.

Or is it about the times when you are almost through with an experiment that is power dependent and the power holders decide to seize the power thereby leaving you with a totally wasted day and no other choice but to run your analysis again whenever the powers that be are benevolent enough to restore the power. Reagents, materials, time and energy resources all gone down the drain.

I experienced all of that.

Are you considering undertaking a PhD program?

That’s a great idea, I must say.

But before you set out to pursue a PhD degree, please be sure you should. You need to be really convinced that you should pursue it so that you can stand the test of time because you will most likely be faced with difficulty along the line.

In my case, one thing that really helped me push on relentlessly was the fact that I glued my eyes on the goal. I told myself I wanted to be a doctor by a certain age so I ran with that.

There were times I cried out of frustration but I never allowed those down moments linger for long. I was swift to swing back into action thanks to certain values/resources I tapped into which I believe you will also need:

  • Resilience

  • Patience

  • Strong Determination

  • Planning and being organised

  • Positive mindedness

  • Good support system. (You will really need this because of the down moments. Then, especially if you have a family to take care of)

I and my ‘support system’ had to make a lot of sacrifices which in the end paid off.

Of course being able to run a PhD program in a public university in Nigeria and finish in record time despite the horror stories some PhD students have to tell could only have been by God’s grace.

The God-factor is the most important for me, as far as I am concerned. The Holy Spirit was always there to encourage me. God touched the hearts of men and women in order for them to favour me. He provided the massive resources I needed. He gave me unusual inner and physical strength.

Ask God for help and He will send His marvelous help your way.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

Yours might not even be a PhD. Believe that you can succeed in whatever you set your heart upon to do.

I wish you God’s best!

 

Words At Work

I had a chat with one of my daughters a while ago and our discussion really got me thinking.

I listened as she recounted how her father told her countless times that she was useless. She unconsciously began to believe what her father said about her. This affected her for a very long time. She used to feel that she was and would never be good enough.

Just like her, I have my own experience with people constantly spewing negativities into the lives of others. I stopped to think that maybe some of them were true as at the time but thank God for His Grace through which I was delivered from the impact of those instances and believe that no one has the final say over my life, early enough.

Who says you are a nobody?

And why would you believe such a person when he did not create you?

Is it your teacher saying you can’t amount to anything good in life?

Is your husband / wife saying you are a nonentity?

Is your boss saying you are useless / irrelevant?

Is your neighbor calling you barren?

Take it or leave it, words have a way of penetrating the fibre of our souls and sticking right there.

. . . Unless you counter those negative words with some positive ones immediately they are shot at you.

When the negative words charge at you, charge back at them with the Word of God at once.

… Make sure you strike the iron while it is hot.

Hold on tightly to what God has said and is saying about you. Give no thought to those negative reports. Choose to only believe the report of The Lord.

It does not matter who says anything about you, as long as what they have said does not align with God’s Words, discard those words.

Take time out to investigate for yourself what God has declared and hold on to that.

You’re blessed beyond measure!

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, Ph.D

Photo source : Brisbanekids

False Health

 

During the course of my first year in the university, I fell ill and some of my roommates ‘dragged’ me to the University Health Centre for treatment (I didn’t want to go there).

I was told that I was down with malaria and was given some injections and because I had an exam the next day, I requested to be allowed to return to my hostel immediately and I was obliged.

How can I forget the speed with which I walked or was it ran till I got close to the hostel? Those who went with me had to run after me. The ailing one seemed to have more energy than those who were physically fine at the time. My roommates thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t even walk without help to the health center.

A few meters to my hostel, I sat into a culvert totally exhausted. I could not move again at that point. My friends caught up with me, panting from the compulsory exercise I had forced them to go through and they practically carried me to my bed in the hostel.

I remembered this incidence a while ago and I thought to share some lessons that were impressed on my heart as I smiled away, remembering that incidence…

There are two lessons…

  1. There are some people who go around doing “exploits” yet are totally void of any inner strength. Empty barrels they say, make the loudest noise. It is such an unwise thing to focus on expending energy probably because you wish to keep up appearances while you refuse to recharge as frequently as you should. While you help others out of their low estate, make sure that you take time out to focus on yourself too. Take cognisance of when you begin to run your life on reserve. Better still, make it a continuous/constant action to take time out for refreshing yourself. Else you reach a point in life where you have the appearance of being alive when you are actually completely dead and dry within.

  2. Don’t wear yourself out. Just like I expended all my energy because of the brisk action I had taken by running when it was evident that I wasn’t capable of doing so, you would wear yourself out if you are biting more than you can chew. You need to understand your capacity and walk within those limits. It is not about the quantity of work you put into life but the quality thereof. It has to be value over volume.

Got it?

  • OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD


P. S. Wanna share something impressed on your heart from this story? Feel free to share in the comment section below.

Whether You Are Caught Or Not

I remember back in high school how some students would take other students’ water in the hostel because there was water scarcity and rejoice that they were able to do so without being caught.

It was called tapping… They would say, “Tapping is a game until you are caught, then it becomes a sin”. It didn’t apply to only water but uniforms, books, pens, and other learning materials.

Does not being caught change the fact that you are a thief? I guess you sure know the answer to that question…

You are cheating on your spouse and because he/she cannot see what you do behind closed doors at your office or know when you are really in Abuja even though you claim to be in Lagos you think you are smart?

Yeah, you might be really good at ‘chopping and cleaning mouth’ but you forget that even though your spouse can’t trace your location and there is no meter to record how many times you have had sex with someone not him/her there is a God Omnipresent who is everywhere at all times and who sees everything that goes on under the sheets.

Some people will even say, “If he is discreet with his cheating, it’s because he respects you”. “Respect my foot”, I say. What form of respect is that by the way, when you are busy playing on your spouse’s intelligence. And worse off is your disrespect for the God of marriage who instituted marriage in the first place and who says that you should stay faithful to your spouse.

Some people will feel like they are smart not knowing they are cursing themselves. They forget God is watching them.

And can you stop saying you were pushed into sinning already? You always have a choice to do the right thing but most times we choose the easy way out.

Sin is sin whether you are caught or not.

You better stop deceiving yourself and repent of your evil ways.

God is watching all of us in 1000D.

Examine your ways!

Reading is Key to Gaining Knowledge

When the Pharisees came to Jesus with the query about divorce, Jesus gave them an epic answer which keeps ringing in my brain always.

Jesus asked them, “Have you not read?” (Matthew 19:4)

OMG!

In order words, if you had read you would have known the answer to the question you are asking now.

You are where you are as a result of the kind of information you expose yourself too. It is not cool to spend all your time and money on stuff that benefit your body while leaving your mind untended.

Personally, I have written several books on different subject matters that will answer your questions on specific issues. Books serve as manuals to ease the burden on the ‘counselor’ to answer these same questions over and over again when you can easily grab a copy of a book in which the author has emptied his/her soul.

For instance, in my book BUILDING A BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE I wrote about several aspects of married life.

I dedicated a chapter in the book to address husbands and another chapter the wives; on how to get the lovemaking aspect of your marriage enjoyable.

Did you know that there’s a scientific reason some wives don’t enjoy lovemaking in marriage?

You can find out what this is about, why this is so and what you can do about it in that book. Take it or leave it, lovemaking in marriage is VERY essential to the overall health of your marriage.

I wrote THE POLISHED SINGLE for single ladies and gentlemen; to help you maximise your single years and in turn prepare you for marriage if you decide to get married.

I have a complete manual for every woman who desires to live a balanced life — THE BEAUTIFUL BRANCH. I discussed extensively on issues that concern single women, wives, mothers, your career, you impacting your world and your spiritual growth and development.

My latest is a book that everyone should read- I AM A WOMAN (God’s definition of ME). It is a book that will fine tune your mindset about the female-man whether you are a man or woman.

I have 3 books written basically for your spiritual growth (WASHED, LIVE THE CHRIST LIFE & FOOD FOR YOUR SPIRIT).

Now that’s not all… I wrote one on parenting and I believe it will be a blessing to you if you haven’t read it. I am giving that one out FREE. It’s RAISING SEXUALLY PURE CHILDREN.

My greatest motivation for writing these books is love for people and that includes YOU!

Let me tell you free of charge, READING IS KEY TO GAINING KNOWLEDGE!

Seek knowledge with all zeal as if your life depended on it (your life depends on it anyway).

CLICK HERE TO SEE ALL MY BOOKS

Mutual Responsibility Is Required

 

Marriage at its best is a relationship so close and intimate that the two of you work together as one. It involves mutual trust, mutual support, mutual defense, mutual comfort, mutual vulnerability and mutual responsibility.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9‭-‬10 NLT)

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ ” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:4‭-‬6 NLT)

Husbands should love their wives sacrificially, with the depth of love that Christ showed when He dies for us.

Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. (Ecclesiastes 9:9 NLT)

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NLT)

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 NLT)

A wife should love her husband sacrificially, helping and supporting him, believing in him and submitting to him.

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11‭-‬12 NLT)

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22‭-‬24 NLT)

God commands husband’s and wives to be loyal to one another. He does not merely suggest this.

Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:15 NLT)

Husbands and wives must be faithful to each other, seeking to satisfy and honour each other.

Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. (Proverbs 5:15‭, ‬18‭-‬19 NLT)

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:3‭-‬4 NLT)

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. (Hebrews 13:4 NLT)

It is evident that it is the responsibility of the two people involved in a marriage to make it beautiful. Join forces with spouse to build a beautiful marriage.

You can have an enjoyable marriage. If only you can WORK at one.

 

I Remember When I Was An Honourable

I want to share a part of my life that I remembered few days ago and which left me reeling with laughter; and thoughtful after my laughter session.

I am actually thinking that I should be referred to as Honourable Omolola yet again😁

For real, I was an honourable back during my University days.

You don’t believe me?

OK. Let me gist you…

My school mummy, big sister and dear friend Saytee was the honourable representing our constituency until it was time for her to graduate. At the time, I was in my fourth year and had a little above one year left as an undergrad.

She walked up to me on a certain afternoon and informed me about her intention of nominating me as the representative of our constituency at the student union. Under that jurisdiction were a number of privately owned hostels just outside the school as it so happened that the university was non-residential. I asked her what was expected of me if I agreed to her proposal and she told me it wasn’t anything tasking. Besides, she believed strongly that I was the right fit for the office (I still don’t get why she chose me though). Anyway, I agreed. And I was given a letter of appointment to that effect.

The first house sitting started out on a very annoying note for me. The sitting never started until about four hours behind schedule… Proper Nigerian time saga which I have hated practically all my life.

Well I calmed down and then the movie series began. It was like the behind the scenes of a season film… Everything was unfiltered. I mean, that day was something else.

At first, I was fascinated by the proceedings and all; you know the formalities. . .

Suddenly, upon raising a particular issue, the hall gradually became rowdy. The clerk kept shouting, “Decorum!” like he was being paid to do so but people won’t hear it.

I felt like fish out of water. It all looked strange to me. Me, gentle sister of the Most High never knew that was what I signed up for. I naturally hate confrontation and fighting.

If not that the chairs in the lecture hall where we met were designed in such a way that they were connected to the tables and subsequently firmly screwed to the ground, only God knows how many heads would have gotten broken that day.

It got to a point that I had to hide under the table for fear of being injured.

Later, someone stood up from his seat far behind the hall and ran to the front; jumping over tables and grabbed the mace and fled out through the door. Ghenghen! Some people ran after him and that was how the whole thing scattered o.

I quickly picked my belongings and made for the door at the back of the hall. I didn’t stop jogging until I got to my hall of residence. It is not easy o.

Kai. How come I don’t remember this everyday sef?

Anyway, do you see that our issues in this country no be today?

It was at that period I decided that I would NEVER run for such posts that will give me High Blood Pressure in my lifetime.

Maybe if it is a post by appointment I might agree to it; if God wills. But other than that, count me out please.

I learnt some lessons from that phase of my life anyway…

  1. Don’t take up appointments (jobs, marriage partners, business partners etc) just for the sake of it. If you know your life’s purpose is not in line with it don’t even start what you won’t be able to finish. Life decisions shouldn’t be made based on impulse. It is important that you know where you are going in life and maintain your lane.

  2. I kinda liked being called an honourable but there is nothing more honourable for you than being genuinely satisfied deep within with what you are doing. There is more to life than fame, money etc. In short seek to fulfill purpose above all else.

  3. People don’t usually SUDDENLY become ‘bad’. It usually is a gradual process developing negative attitudes. Make sure to curb all excesses of your children right on time before they become “dried fish” that become difficult to remould.

  4. Well meaning family/friends may have ideas for your life’s movement but it is left to you not to leave the reins of your life in their hands. It’s your life and you will be held accountable for how you live it and the decisions you make.

  5. It is never too late to take a redress. Once you find out that you are in the wrong waters, swim out. Actually that was the first and last house sitting I attended.

Afterwards, I focused my energy more on things that resonated with my spirit instead.

By the way, a new session of my writing course commences on 5th November 2017. You can find information about the course / register HERE

I am OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD…

I rise!

P. S. Please feel free to share any other lessons that you can draw out from this story in the comment section.

Brush Swap

 

On Sunday morning, I went to clean the Church and as I swept the floor with the brush it occurred to me that if I turned the brush 180 degrees to the left and tried sweeping with it, it would feel weird in my hands. Aside from that, the brush didn’t seem to catch all the dirt when I used it at that angle. However, once I turned it the other way round, the brush felt sleek in my hands and was very effective in cleaning the floor.

The truth is that that wasn’t the first time I was noticing this about these sweeping brushes; because the brush at home has a similar design. They are designed in such a way that they are bent at an angle. However this time the Holy Spirit had a message for me (who knows maybe this time because I was standing on holy ground 😊).

Isn’t it amazing how God speaks to us through seemingly insignificant things?

I heard in my spirit, “If the ‘brush’ is not sweeping the floors of their life well, they should change its direction or change it all together”.

Here’s the message in this:

If you know that you are not being fed with the undiluted Word of truth at your place of worship, you better look for a place where you can get balanced spiritual food necessary for your spiritual growth.

If all your friends do is rub you on the head or pat you on the back when even you know that you are wrong, it is time for you to change them. Run from those that won’t tell you the truth because they obviously do not love you like they profess.

Have you been trying to achieve a particular thing, using a strategy that is not working? How about you prayerfully change your strategy.

What do you need to change to ensure you get excellent results in your life endeavours?

Could it be your location, job, business strategy of character?

Whatever it is (or they are), make that change now.

No matter how long you have been accustomed to those things or ways, you really have to let them go for your sake. God has our best interest at heart and sometimes he wants us to separate from certain things so that we can have that ‘best’ become our reality.

You need to note at this point that there was only a swap in the direction of the brush. I didn’t throw it away because it wasn’t serving me well at a point. What I want you to get here is that this is no licence for giving up. For instance, you shouldn’t run away from church all together because you are not getting what you need from your current assembly.

May God grant you understanding of these words…

Grace be multiplied unto you!

©OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD

BEYOND THE SURFACE


 

I was scrolling through Facebook News feed a while ago when I came across the beautiful picture of a beautiful woman, posted by one of my friends from way back. The picture had no caption and I had almost clicked on the LIKE button when I decided to read through the comments section first.

The comments all implied that the person in the picture had passed away because they were condolence messages to the person who had put up the post. I thought to myself what it would have meant for me to just have clicked the like or love button… Would it have meant that I loved that the person was bereaved or what exactly?????

You see, there is usually more to people than we can all see.

No one goes around with a ‘caption’ to his/her head announcing the struggles he/she is passing through in closet.

And this is reason I like to sometimes make excuses for people who act badly towards me. I am usually of the opinion that they might be dealing with some really tough situations hence their reactions.

They usually say that “First impressions last forever”. That could be true. But should we really judge people based on the first impressions only? I really do not think so. What if that first impression is induced by some nasty things they are going through at the moment?

In any case, this is my heart going out to everyone fighting a “private” battle. You know where and how much it hurts.

I can’t categorically say that i understand what you are going through. But my heart prays for you.

God sees your “midnight cries”. He knows the depth of your hurt/struggles and He is right there with you. He will never leave or forsake you.

He will come through for you at just the time He knows is just perfect.

If He is letting you go through what you are now, He will definitely bring you through it. And you will arrive safely at the other end of that river.

Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you!

May the peace of God that passes all human reasoning be your portion Now and forever!

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD

The Reverse Gear

On a certain morning just a short while ago, I went into the kitchen after our devotion to pack up lunch for everyone. Our daughter came in just a while later and said, “Good morning mum. God bless you in Jesus’ name”. I felt I didn’t hear her well so I asked what she had said and she said to me, “God bless you mum”.

I was stunned to say the least…

The norm was for her to say, “Good morning mum” and I reply with “Good morning darling; God bless you in Jesus name”.

I asked her why she said that and she only told me that she just wanted to bless me too.

Huh?

I wasn’t expecting that at all. And as simple as that may seem, it got branded on my soul.

Did her action touch me in a special way? Of course it did.

There are people who minister to you (spiritually / physically) continually or have done so in the past. . . Right?

Today, take time out to pray for and reach out to such persons letting them know how they are sources of blessings to you and how much you appreciate them. If you feel you should give them something, please do not refrain from giving them that gift. Plan to pay them a visit. Put a call through to them. You wouldn’t know just what those encouraging words could mean to them at this time.

We tend to assume that those ‘up there’ can take care of themselves in all ways.

But the truth is that they feel overwhelmed sometimes too. They suffer lack sometimes too. Because they are human like us too

Move away from the norm today.

They have been the ones blessing you but it’s time for you to bless them back in whatever way you can.

Choose to be a blessing took!

Can I hear the phones ringing?

 

Photo credit: gstatic.com

%d bloggers like this: