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Believe the Best Before You Assume the Worst

One factor that destroys relationships is making assumptions. For instance, a wife calls her husband who didn’t answer his phone. She assumes that he must have been with another woman hence his refusal to answer her call. A husband too may start problems where they are nonexistent because he chooses to mind read his wife. He thinks and probably voices her ‘unspoken thoughts’. Now the probability is that there is actually nothing to worry about (as much as there could be something to worry about).

Someone will say that there is no smoke without a fire. Well, for your information, sometimes there is actually no fire at all. That thing you are calling smoke is actually fog. It is an environmental issue and it’s blurring your vision- and you have refused to see past it.

We must remember that our Heavenly Father believes the best about us. He loves us that much. Even when we didn’t deserve that love, He loves us still. He believes some good could still come out our rottenness. He could have just let us perish but He didn’t.

If our relationships must thrive, we must learn to believe the best about our partners. That is what love does. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Being overly suspicious of one’s partner can spell doom for the relationship. That may stem from your own insecurities and mere paranoia.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. (1 Corinthians 13:7 AMP)

It is however possible that God is helping you see the hidden things about your partner. This is to say that I am not saying you should go blind to the bad characters being exhibited by your partner. What you need is the help of The Holy Spirit to discern when there is truly a smell of trouble and when there is none.

Overall, choose to believe the best about your friends or spouse. Don’t allow the devil sow the seed of discord in your relationship through your negative thoughts. Don’t create fires of war where there was none before. The experiences people share, movies we watch etc carry with them truck loads of negativities that if care is not taken, precious relationships will keep being destroyed. Seive the information that comes your way. Test every spirit, action, motive,  . . .and choose that which is the truth.

Preserve your relationships. Believe the best before you assume the worst.

Guard your heart with all diligence.

May the love of God be shed abroad in your hearts and mine!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Your Spouse Deserves Your Best Not Your Leftover

The common thing nowadays is that many people give their best to their jobs, friends, . . . while their spouses get the crumbs that fall from the table. Let’s face the fact. When you leave home by 5.30 am and don’t return until 10 or 11 pm totally exhausted, what’s left to give to your loved one? The odds are that your spouse is rehearsing his/her sleeping moves by the time you get home and that you are so tired that all you have strength left for is to sleep. You do this Mondays to Fridays and sometimes during weekends.

Before you shutdown and say that Omolola does not understand. . . I do understand very well that we need to make money to meet the needs of the family. You would say that all you are doing is solely for the family and that If you don’t invest your energy into the job you may loose it you say and your family will no longer be able to enjoy the luxury they are enjoying now.  It is a good thing to be diligent and i applaude you for seeking to give your family a life of convenience. However, Life is more than working like a jackal in order to meet your material needs.

You see, I keep thinking about the reason for the recent increase in the number of couples with marriage problems. I perceive that one major reason is the dynamic nature of our work. The husband is completely engrossed in his work and the wife buries herself in her business. Husbands and wives get caught up in their busy schedules that they forget to nurture the most important human relationship they now have.

Of course, your most productive hours are during the day. And you spend them at work. Because your body is still agile during work hours, you talk politely to your colleagues at work. By the time you get home and your spouse asks you a question or two, you begin to answer through your nose because you are now totally exhausted. You manage to eat dinner and your eyes begin to revolt against staying awake. Your spouse is talking to you in your living room right here in Nigeria but you are far away in Jamaica.

The communication lines get broken down gradually. And you know that saying about little drops accumulating into a mighty ocean? In no time you two become strangers. Your colleagues at work almost know you better than your spouse does. You no longer enjoy the companionship which is one major thing God set marriage up for. Your sex life also goes dormant. The walls of your marriage are being broken down bit by bit. The husband feels that he has found a friend in a female colleague at work and the wife also thinks that her boss understands her better than her husband does.

Do you smell trouble? I do. But it did not start in one day. The trouble had been trickling down in little doses and now it has accumulated into a clog in the pipe of your marriage. If care is not taken my dear married people, that pipe is going to get totally blocked.

Before you exonerate yourself dear woman, I’m coming for you too. . . You spend all your energy tending to your kids so much that by the time your husband gets home from work, you have nothing to offer him as a friend. He tried talking to you about what happened at work the other day and you slept off on him. Do you also remember the other night 4 months ago that he tried touching you and you asked him to wait till later in the week and he is still waiting. . .

Okay let’s leave it at that for now.

The major problem really is the refusal to apply wisdom to our individual situations. It takes wisdom to build a marriage. A wise woman and a wise man build their own marriage.

Building is an intentional act. We must be deliberate with our efforts to make our marriages be what they should be.

Call your spouse during the day. Let him / her know that you are thinking about them. In the midst of your hectic business and the busyness of your day, deliberately do things that will communicate love to your spouse. Let every action of yours pass across the important message of your spouse being the most important human in your life. . . And make sure it’s a continuous action.

I am going to give you one  formula that won’t fail- Ask The Holy Spirit to inspire you. He can NEVER go wrong.

Be thoughtful. Decide to relocate your spouse to the top of your priority list today.

Give your spouse your best. That is the way it should be.

And I know that God will be proud of you.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

To The Married Woman on Lovemaking. . .

One lie that is being thrown around by the world is that “good sex keeps a man faithful”. It is not good sex that will keep your man faithful, it is only God that can do that. The same lie is used to trap single ladies. The world tells them that they need to ‘secure’ the man they want to marry with sex. This is a blantant lie of the devil.

However, sex in marriage is important for the overall health of the marriage. It’s a lubricant that helps the marriage run smoothly.

Here are a few practical steps to having a healthy sex life in your marriage:

☆ The number one thing the married christian woman should do is to soak their marriage bed in the pool of prayers. The Bible encourages us to pray about “everything”. I believe that includes the marriage bed. Talk to God about your sexual intimacy as a couple. Pray that both of you will be truly naked and not ashamed. Pray that God will teach you to love deeply. Pray against every force working contrary to you having an excellent experience sexually. Pray, pray, pray. . . Amen somebody!

☆ Next thing is to communicate with your partner. Both of you need to communicate what your needs are to each other. Be sincere. Be open. You will be shocked at some of the expectations of your spouse when you get talking. Like I usually say, “I am not a spirit. I wouldn’t know what’s on your mind unless you voice out”. No guess work in this matter. You need to know the questions so that you can give the right answers.

☆ Be a participator not a spectator. Seek for ways to meet your partner’s needs. Don’t just lie there like a log of wood or just shake off the dust immediately after. Be active. Let your spouse know that you enjoy being with him. Don’t be a bore. Train your mind to enjoy. Be willing to work at achieving sexual intimacy.

☆ Don’t see lovemaking as “hard work”. It is expected to be a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Choose to enjoy it. You have to decide to. Stop giving unnecessary excuses. Someone is complaining that her husband does not seek to be intimate with her anymore. Can we really blame him? He made an advance at you two years ago, you were tired. Two months ago, you were still tired and having the same nagging headache you had 2 years ago. Excuse me sis, you killed the fire. You’ve got to put the sticks back together. Apologize to your husband and commit to rekindling the dead fire.

☆ Gather knowledge. Read relevant books on sex in marriage. Go for counselling if necessary. Above all, meditate on what God’s stance is on the issue of sex in marriage.

Go on and begin to enjoy the adorable gift God has given you. . . It’s time to stop enduring it.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Should Couples Worship in Separate Churches?

This post is in response to the above question asked by a woman who has been worshipping in a Church different from her husband’s and whose children rotate which of the two Churches they should attend.

From my point of view, a family should worship together. As I see it, attending different churches is a form of division/disunity. That means they are unequally yoked. Since they believe in different doctrines. The couple are not able to agree on a particular church. “Can two walk together except they agree?” No! The children are also at risk of being confused.

On a personal note, the first question I would ask anyone in this kind of situation is, “Was your husband attending that church before you married him?” If yes, then she knew before hand what she was getting into. Why did you marry him then? My next question is, “Those doctrines you disagree with in his church, are they sinful?” If “No”, I will advice that she joins him in his church and continue to pray concerning the issue. God owns the heart of kings and is the one that can direct it to wherever He wants. Continue to pray that his eyes of understanding be opened. Rebellion or force will not change him.

*I will quickly tell the singles to remember that you MUSTN’T go into marriage with the mindset that you will change your husband. That’s a dead end. So, look well before you leap. The man is your head. Take it or leave it. That’s the divine order. So before you give yourself to be married, remember that you are relinquishing the authority over yourself to him. These are some of the issues that should be discussed before marriage. “

Back to the issue at hand, let’s look at 1Peter 3:1,2,6 (AMP)
IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, 2  When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
6. It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].

That part of the Scripture didn’t add a condition for our submission as wives. I always like to emphasise that we should do our part as unto the Lord.

2Corinthians 10:6- And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient.

Unity of a couple’s spirit men is very important and growing together in the same spiritual environment will enhance their blending.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Three Levels of Marriage

Those involved in drilling for water know that you get more water much deeper down the ground. Research shows that the earth may have underground ocean three times that on the surface. The deeper the better. Water deeper down would be free from contamination by sewage and the likes.

I want to share with you what I would like to call the 3 ‘S’ Levels of marriage.

*Sharing Level: This is the surface level kind of love. It is the ‘give and take’ kind of love. Each party is sort of, ‘repaying’ the other for their kindness by being kind in return. This level of marriage is the kind where the spouses work towards meeting each other mid-point. Once one of the two has refused to offer any good thing, the other person ceases from bringing any good to the table. At this level, it is a relationship of convenience at work. She is good, he is good in return. She is bad, he becomes bad too.

*Serving Level: This is a deeper level of marriage than the sharing level. The spouses seek to serve one another, and others around them too. They both wear the servant’s garment on their spirits. Humility helps them submit to each other under God.

*Sacrifice Level: Now, this is the deepest level of commitment. It takes grace to exhibit the kind of love that characterises this level of marriage. At this point, his life is now truly her life and vice versa. Both the husband and wife are ready to make any sacrifice necessary to make their marriage what God wants it to look like and to see to it that their individual life’s purposes are fulfilled. They share the kind of love Jesus shows us- selfless, true and pure.

Sharing, Serving or Sacrificial. . . Where are you at? And where are you going.

-OMOSEBI Mary Omolola

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