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Who Do You Let Into Your Ship?

 

While running my Master’s degree programme, I lived in one of the school hostels.

The block adjacent ours was occupied by some guys. There was a particular room on that block, where the occupants were always blasting music anytime there was electric power supply.

One day, I just started humming one of the songs that those guys used to play, which happened to be the one most common played by them at a time they weren’t even playing the song.

My room mate suddenly yelled out at me at the top of her voice. “Mama!” she shouted.

I looked lost as to the reason she called me out that way. She asked me if I knew the lyrics of the song I was gladly humming, to which I answered in the negative. She told me the lines prior the one I kept humming repeatedly and I was shocked at myself. She knew that I don’t listen to secular music so she was surprised that I was humming one.

The song practically diffused into my system because I kept hearing it even though it was against my will. I guess the soft spot was from the fact that the composer mentioned “Hallelujah” in one of the lines of the song.

My friend, be careful about your company.

If your friend is fond of lying, you might soon find yourself lying freely.

If your friend is extravagant, you might soon start living above your means in a bid to keep up with the tides.

People in your life will either have positive or negative effects on your life; there just must be an impact.

Some people will encourage you to draw closer to God while some will pull you farther away from Him.

Some people’s presence in your life will cost you far more than you can imagine. Such persons could be the loophole for affliction entering your life.

Some people will bring storms into your life (remember Jonah?) while others will bring calm and peace just like Jesus.

Prayerfully choose the people you allow into your space.

Choose the people you allow into the ship of your life CAREFULLY!

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD

 

Communicate and Take Dressing

I will like to share with you two incidences that occurred in my marriage; to let you know or further reiterate to you how important communication is in relationships and how you should react to sensitive issues when raised.

The first incidence: There was a lady who was really close to my husband. They’d been friends before my husband and I got married. I knew they were close pals but I observed their degree of closeness was deeper than I thought, after we got married. The lady is friendly, godly and all. I kinda liked that lady too and I would speak with her over the phone on some occasions. Even after we moved to another town and they didn’t have to see each other every day any more, the friendship was still strong.

But hey, I wasn’t feeling the closeness any longer.

This lady’s message would on many occasions be the first to come in in the morning and then she sometimes called at really odd hours at night; if you know what I mean. My spirit no longer agreed with that depth of friendship. I spoke to my husband about the uneasiness I was feeling. Yeah, just once. His reaction? He weaned himself from that relationship. He practically cut off communication with that lady such that I was the one that would ask after the lady to find out how she was doing and remind my husband about her birthday (because birthdays are really important to me); ask if he had wished her well but he would usually say, “No”. I thought it was an extreme measure taken by him but we discussed the issue and concluded it was better not to feed anything that could breed emotional infidelity.

 

The other incidence was about me:

One afternoon, after a few hours at work, my husband’s call came in and he said to me, “Why promise you would call back after your devotion at work and returned to the office, but didn’t?” I started arguing with him that I did as promised. He said it must have been in my dreams and then I told him to let me check my call log. I ended the call in order to check if I truly had called or not and I actually checked with the aim of getting proof that I was right all along but hey, I was maximally wrong. To my amazement, I really didn’t call him back.

He told me I had done the same thing some days before too and that was why he decided to call me out on the issue. Ha, me that I can call for Africa? I was overridden by my tight schedule at work that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to my husband for hours; quite unlike me.

I could have turned it on him that what was wrong with him calling back if I didn’t. But I didn’t. Instead, I took dressing.

Him raising the issue made me aware of what I was doing without even noticing it. And that put in me the consciousness of being alert in my spirit to keeping the communication lines open as we had always done.

I decided to share two instances so as to balance up the point I am trying to make.

You will notice that in both instances, we both took appropriate action in making the relationship move forward after the little hitches showed up on our way.

Instead of keeping your grievances stuck away in the corner of your heart, speak out about them. Voice out your concerns to your partner and lovingly try to resolve them.

When you are the one at the receiving end of the act that has caused the displeasure in your partner, please be totally objective about the issue raised. Don’t be quick to wash your hands off all guilt. Make sure you look inward and ascertain the areas you need to work on.

The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.

It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.

Neither is it good to form the habit of always shaking off all faults from yourself when your partner discusses with you issues that matter to them

On a final note, know that no issue should be regarded as too little or too big to talk about with your partner. Make sure to nip in the bud any tree of negativity trying to take root in your relationship, with all sense of promptness.

Shalom!

– OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD 

 

P. S. Leave a comment below to let me know your thoughts about this post

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WHATEVER THE CASE

Reading the book of Philippians this morning brought great encouragement to my heart and I thought to share with you something from my gleanings. . .

In the fourth chapter of that Book, Apostle Paul recounted how he was familiar with living through lack and plenty. He had learnt to manage the high and low moments of life.

Friend, life comes as a total package. This is the truth about life. It will be a form of deception if I told you that you will not run into ditches of your way. Yeah, we pray that the road be smooth but you cannot ascertain what comes with the turns and bends on the way.

I want you to remember every day, as you journey through this year that you may be faced with the good and bad situations of life alike. That’s the reality of life. But also, I want you to remember that you can go through it unscathed.

You can do whatever it is that you have to. Including climbing the mountains and walking through the valley.

. . . Only believe that with God on your side you are victorious. God is God both in the mountains and I’m the valley. Rely on the strength that only Jesus can input in you.

During those moments of lack, insufficiency, betrayal, loss, sorrow, deprivation, etc, just key into Christ’s strength.

Yes, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. And that is because God will not allow any temptation that is beyond what you can take on to come to you.

Whatever the case may be this year, and the rest of your life, know that you have no reason to fall under pressure of negativity (or positivity) as long as you let the everlasting arms of God carry you through. Forget about what you can do or not. Completely rely on God’s strength made available for you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

God will be with you in every situation. Don’t ignore His presence. He is interested in every intricate detail of your life.

May The Lord go ahead of you and grant you victory every day!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My PhD Experience

Just a few days ago, another one of my dear sister friends asked me a question I have been asked on several occasions . . .

She asked, “How were you able to combine all the stuff you did while running your PhD program; being a wife, mother, blogger and obviously committed to church and other activities during that period”

I felt strongly to share my experience through this post in order to encourage you.

Here’s the thing: Of course I am just like any other person. I don’t have some super powers hidden somewhere. I believe that some of the things I will talk about in this write-up should help if you are worried about what running a PhD program looks like and if you can do this.

If you desire to do this, get your mind prepared by the fact that running a PhD program is not ‘beans’. If you study in a place like Nigeria like I did, you will understand how tough it could be.

. . . A place where you have to go from laboratory to laboratory to get your research done because you are not likely to get all the facilities in a single institution.

Or is it about the times when you are almost through with an experiment that is power dependent and the power holders decide to seize the power thereby leaving you with a totally wasted day and no other choice but to run your analysis again whenever the powers that be are benevolent enough to restore the power. Reagents, materials, time and energy resources all gone down the drain.

I experienced all of that.

Are you considering undertaking a PhD program?

That’s a great idea, I must say.

But before you set out to pursue a PhD degree, please be sure you should. You need to be really convinced that you should pursue it so that you can stand the test of time because you will most likely be faced with difficulty along the line.

In my case, one thing that really helped me push on relentlessly was the fact that I glued my eyes on the goal. I told myself I wanted to be a doctor by a certain age so I ran with that.

There were times I cried out of frustration but I never allowed those down moments linger for long. I was swift to swing back into action thanks to certain values/resources I tapped into which I believe you will also need:

  • Resilience

  • Patience

  • Strong Determination

  • Planning and being organised

  • Positive mindedness

  • Good support system. (You will really need this because of the down moments. Then, especially if you have a family to take care of)

I and my ‘support system’ had to make a lot of sacrifices which in the end paid off.

Of course being able to run a PhD program in a public university in Nigeria and finish in record time despite the horror stories some PhD students have to tell could only have been by God’s grace.

The God-factor is the most important for me, as far as I am concerned. The Holy Spirit was always there to encourage me. God touched the hearts of men and women in order for them to favour me. He provided the massive resources I needed. He gave me unusual inner and physical strength.

Ask God for help and He will send His marvelous help your way.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

Yours might not even be a PhD. Believe that you can succeed in whatever you set your heart upon to do.

I wish you God’s best!

 

Words At Work

I had a chat with one of my daughters a while ago and our discussion really got me thinking.

I listened as she recounted how her father told her countless times that she was useless. She unconsciously began to believe what her father said about her. This affected her for a very long time. She used to feel that she was and would never be good enough.

Just like her, I have my own experience with people constantly spewing negativities into the lives of others. I stopped to think that maybe some of them were true as at the time but thank God for His Grace through which I was delivered from the impact of those instances and believe that no one has the final say over my life, early enough.

Who says you are a nobody?

And why would you believe such a person when he did not create you?

Is it your teacher saying you can’t amount to anything good in life?

Is your husband / wife saying you are a nonentity?

Is your boss saying you are useless / irrelevant?

Is your neighbor calling you barren?

Take it or leave it, words have a way of penetrating the fibre of our souls and sticking right there.

. . . Unless you counter those negative words with some positive ones immediately they are shot at you.

When the negative words charge at you, charge back at them with the Word of God at once.

… Make sure you strike the iron while it is hot.

Hold on tightly to what God has said and is saying about you. Give no thought to those negative reports. Choose to only believe the report of The Lord.

It does not matter who says anything about you, as long as what they have said does not align with God’s Words, discard those words.

Take time out to investigate for yourself what God has declared and hold on to that.

You’re blessed beyond measure!

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, Ph.D

Photo source : Brisbanekids

False Health

 

During the course of my first year in the university, I fell ill and some of my roommates ‘dragged’ me to the University Health Centre for treatment (I didn’t want to go there).

I was told that I was down with malaria and was given some injections and because I had an exam the next day, I requested to be allowed to return to my hostel immediately and I was obliged.

How can I forget the speed with which I walked or was it ran till I got close to the hostel? Those who went with me had to run after me. The ailing one seemed to have more energy than those who were physically fine at the time. My roommates thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t even walk without help to the health center.

A few meters to my hostel, I sat into a culvert totally exhausted. I could not move again at that point. My friends caught up with me, panting from the compulsory exercise I had forced them to go through and they practically carried me to my bed in the hostel.

I remembered this incidence a while ago and I thought to share some lessons that were impressed on my heart as I smiled away, remembering that incidence…

There are two lessons…

  1. There are some people who go around doing “exploits” yet are totally void of any inner strength. Empty barrels they say, make the loudest noise. It is such an unwise thing to focus on expending energy probably because you wish to keep up appearances while you refuse to recharge as frequently as you should. While you help others out of their low estate, make sure that you take time out to focus on yourself too. Take cognisance of when you begin to run your life on reserve. Better still, make it a continuous/constant action to take time out for refreshing yourself. Else you reach a point in life where you have the appearance of being alive when you are actually completely dead and dry within.

  2. Don’t wear yourself out. Just like I expended all my energy because of the brisk action I had taken by running when it was evident that I wasn’t capable of doing so, you would wear yourself out if you are biting more than you can chew. You need to understand your capacity and walk within those limits. It is not about the quantity of work you put into life but the quality thereof. It has to be value over volume.

Got it?

  • OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD


P. S. Wanna share something impressed on your heart from this story? Feel free to share in the comment section below.

Whether You Are Caught Or Not

I remember back in high school how some students would take other students’ water in the hostel because there was water scarcity and rejoice that they were able to do so without being caught.

It was called tapping… They would say, “Tapping is a game until you are caught, then it becomes a sin”. It didn’t apply to only water but uniforms, books, pens, and other learning materials.

Does not being caught change the fact that you are a thief? I guess you sure know the answer to that question…

You are cheating on your spouse and because he/she cannot see what you do behind closed doors at your office or know when you are really in Abuja even though you claim to be in Lagos you think you are smart?

Yeah, you might be really good at ‘chopping and cleaning mouth’ but you forget that even though your spouse can’t trace your location and there is no meter to record how many times you have had sex with someone not him/her there is a God Omnipresent who is everywhere at all times and who sees everything that goes on under the sheets.

Some people will even say, “If he is discreet with his cheating, it’s because he respects you”. “Respect my foot”, I say. What form of respect is that by the way, when you are busy playing on your spouse’s intelligence. And worse off is your disrespect for the God of marriage who instituted marriage in the first place and who says that you should stay faithful to your spouse.

Some people will feel like they are smart not knowing they are cursing themselves. They forget God is watching them.

And can you stop saying you were pushed into sinning already? You always have a choice to do the right thing but most times we choose the easy way out.

Sin is sin whether you are caught or not.

You better stop deceiving yourself and repent of your evil ways.

God is watching all of us in 1000D.

Examine your ways!

I Remember When I Was An Honourable

I want to share a part of my life that I remembered few days ago and which left me reeling with laughter; and thoughtful after my laughter session.

I am actually thinking that I should be referred to as Honourable Omolola yet again😁

For real, I was an honourable back during my University days.

You don’t believe me?

OK. Let me gist you…

My school mummy, big sister and dear friend Saytee was the honourable representing our constituency until it was time for her to graduate. At the time, I was in my fourth year and had a little above one year left as an undergrad.

She walked up to me on a certain afternoon and informed me about her intention of nominating me as the representative of our constituency at the student union. Under that jurisdiction were a number of privately owned hostels just outside the school as it so happened that the university was non-residential. I asked her what was expected of me if I agreed to her proposal and she told me it wasn’t anything tasking. Besides, she believed strongly that I was the right fit for the office (I still don’t get why she chose me though). Anyway, I agreed. And I was given a letter of appointment to that effect.

The first house sitting started out on a very annoying note for me. The sitting never started until about four hours behind schedule… Proper Nigerian time saga which I have hated practically all my life.

Well I calmed down and then the movie series began. It was like the behind the scenes of a season film… Everything was unfiltered. I mean, that day was something else.

At first, I was fascinated by the proceedings and all; you know the formalities. . .

Suddenly, upon raising a particular issue, the hall gradually became rowdy. The clerk kept shouting, “Decorum!” like he was being paid to do so but people won’t hear it.

I felt like fish out of water. It all looked strange to me. Me, gentle sister of the Most High never knew that was what I signed up for. I naturally hate confrontation and fighting.

If not that the chairs in the lecture hall where we met were designed in such a way that they were connected to the tables and subsequently firmly screwed to the ground, only God knows how many heads would have gotten broken that day.

It got to a point that I had to hide under the table for fear of being injured.

Later, someone stood up from his seat far behind the hall and ran to the front; jumping over tables and grabbed the mace and fled out through the door. Ghenghen! Some people ran after him and that was how the whole thing scattered o.

I quickly picked my belongings and made for the door at the back of the hall. I didn’t stop jogging until I got to my hall of residence. It is not easy o.

Kai. How come I don’t remember this everyday sef?

Anyway, do you see that our issues in this country no be today?

It was at that period I decided that I would NEVER run for such posts that will give me High Blood Pressure in my lifetime.

Maybe if it is a post by appointment I might agree to it; if God wills. But other than that, count me out please.

I learnt some lessons from that phase of my life anyway…

  1. Don’t take up appointments (jobs, marriage partners, business partners etc) just for the sake of it. If you know your life’s purpose is not in line with it don’t even start what you won’t be able to finish. Life decisions shouldn’t be made based on impulse. It is important that you know where you are going in life and maintain your lane.

  2. I kinda liked being called an honourable but there is nothing more honourable for you than being genuinely satisfied deep within with what you are doing. There is more to life than fame, money etc. In short seek to fulfill purpose above all else.

  3. People don’t usually SUDDENLY become ‘bad’. It usually is a gradual process developing negative attitudes. Make sure to curb all excesses of your children right on time before they become “dried fish” that become difficult to remould.

  4. Well meaning family/friends may have ideas for your life’s movement but it is left to you not to leave the reins of your life in their hands. It’s your life and you will be held accountable for how you live it and the decisions you make.

  5. It is never too late to take a redress. Once you find out that you are in the wrong waters, swim out. Actually that was the first and last house sitting I attended.

Afterwards, I focused my energy more on things that resonated with my spirit instead.

By the way, a new session of my writing course commences on 5th November 2017. You can find information about the course / register HERE

I am OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD…

I rise!

P. S. Please feel free to share any other lessons that you can draw out from this story in the comment section.

Brush Swap

 

On Sunday morning, I went to clean the Church and as I swept the floor with the brush it occurred to me that if I turned the brush 180 degrees to the left and tried sweeping with it, it would feel weird in my hands. Aside from that, the brush didn’t seem to catch all the dirt when I used it at that angle. However, once I turned it the other way round, the brush felt sleek in my hands and was very effective in cleaning the floor.

The truth is that that wasn’t the first time I was noticing this about these sweeping brushes; because the brush at home has a similar design. They are designed in such a way that they are bent at an angle. However this time the Holy Spirit had a message for me (who knows maybe this time because I was standing on holy ground 😊).

Isn’t it amazing how God speaks to us through seemingly insignificant things?

I heard in my spirit, “If the ‘brush’ is not sweeping the floors of their life well, they should change its direction or change it all together”.

Here’s the message in this:

If you know that you are not being fed with the undiluted Word of truth at your place of worship, you better look for a place where you can get balanced spiritual food necessary for your spiritual growth.

If all your friends do is rub you on the head or pat you on the back when even you know that you are wrong, it is time for you to change them. Run from those that won’t tell you the truth because they obviously do not love you like they profess.

Have you been trying to achieve a particular thing, using a strategy that is not working? How about you prayerfully change your strategy.

What do you need to change to ensure you get excellent results in your life endeavours?

Could it be your location, job, business strategy of character?

Whatever it is (or they are), make that change now.

No matter how long you have been accustomed to those things or ways, you really have to let them go for your sake. God has our best interest at heart and sometimes he wants us to separate from certain things so that we can have that ‘best’ become our reality.

You need to note at this point that there was only a swap in the direction of the brush. I didn’t throw it away because it wasn’t serving me well at a point. What I want you to get here is that this is no licence for giving up. For instance, you shouldn’t run away from church all together because you are not getting what you need from your current assembly.

May God grant you understanding of these words…

Grace be multiplied unto you!

©OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD

BEYOND THE SURFACE


 

I was scrolling through Facebook News feed a while ago when I came across the beautiful picture of a beautiful woman, posted by one of my friends from way back. The picture had no caption and I had almost clicked on the LIKE button when I decided to read through the comments section first.

The comments all implied that the person in the picture had passed away because they were condolence messages to the person who had put up the post. I thought to myself what it would have meant for me to just have clicked the like or love button… Would it have meant that I loved that the person was bereaved or what exactly?????

You see, there is usually more to people than we can all see.

No one goes around with a ‘caption’ to his/her head announcing the struggles he/she is passing through in closet.

And this is reason I like to sometimes make excuses for people who act badly towards me. I am usually of the opinion that they might be dealing with some really tough situations hence their reactions.

They usually say that “First impressions last forever”. That could be true. But should we really judge people based on the first impressions only? I really do not think so. What if that first impression is induced by some nasty things they are going through at the moment?

In any case, this is my heart going out to everyone fighting a “private” battle. You know where and how much it hurts.

I can’t categorically say that i understand what you are going through. But my heart prays for you.

God sees your “midnight cries”. He knows the depth of your hurt/struggles and He is right there with you. He will never leave or forsake you.

He will come through for you at just the time He knows is just perfect.

If He is letting you go through what you are now, He will definitely bring you through it. And you will arrive safely at the other end of that river.

Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you!

May the peace of God that passes all human reasoning be your portion Now and forever!

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD

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