MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS
Act 1 Scene 2 is finally here. Yay!
His proposal was very simple and straightforward. No big grammar was involved. No spiritual jingles either. I stood there speechless for a few seconds not because I wasn’t expecting him to ask me to marry him but the simplicity and the look in his eyes as he said what he said just took the words out of my mouth.
Not until he asked me if I wasn’t going to say anything did I manage to stutter the words he obviously expected to hear, “Give me some time to pray and think about this”.
“How long do you think I will have to wait for?” He asked.
“One week” I said. Rather short right? I thought so too.
I could see the shock written on his face. He then walked me down to my hostel. It was an unusually quiet walk that evening. We later said our quiet good byes.
On May 25, he came visiting and it was like a normal evening. We just kept on gisting the whole evening without anyone saying anything about the pending issue. When it was getting late he told me he had to leave and I was beginning to think that the guy was not serious if he didn’t take the one week notice at heart. I however just followed after him as he made his way out of my hostel.
“It’s one week today”, he said as he made a sharp turn around to face me.
I smiled. And then asked what the date was. After he answered I asked if the date had any significance to him to which he answered “No” after thinking for a while.
I then told him that it was on July 25 two years before then that we had the discussion about him not thinking he could enter a formal relationship with him. (You can read my previous post titled ‘And He Proposed Marriage’ HERE if you haven’t seen it)
He just looked totally amazed and then asked how come I knew the date.
Well that’s one thing about me. Words get magnetised to my brain. I can regurgitate words spoken to me accurately with the syntaxes. And dates, I am so good at keeping them too. (I just told you something you didn’t know about me)
Back to the script:
I told him he had to come back two months from May 25 (because it was two years since we set the former boundaries) so that I could give him his answer on the anniversary of his proclamation of no – relationship between us.
He was obviously disappointed because he had expected to get the verdict that day.
I got my sure answer from God in a couple of days but kept it for the day of the big reveal. As a matter of fact, I already knew the outcome before he even asked.
I consulted with my father in the Lord shortly after he proposed and asked that he prayed along with me during that period.
I also remember specifically my school big sister Saytee calling me one of the days during that time and telling me that Olushola was my husband. I was shocked because I never discussed his intention with anyone. It was just a few days after I was fully convinced to go ahead with him.
God spoke to me through His Words and I heard Him speak audibly to me too. All these I documented in my journal. I was particularly at peace with the decision. Marriage for me was (and still is) a serious business hence my approach.
I was kinda shocked at what God was saying just like many of my friends were. We assumed I was going to marry a ‘Pastor’. God however gave me His son and assured me of His presence.
We kept speaking on phone throughout the ‘waiting’ period.
On the morning of July 25, he called to inform me he was coming to town. When he arrived it was late evening.
We took a stroll into the University. He didn’t waste time asking to see his score sheet.
I was quiet for a while and then when we got under a very big tree right beside the Architecture studio, I said, “I have an answer for you”.
We both stopped walking.
“I am sorry” I began. His face fell.
“I have prayed and thought hard about your request. And I don’t think I have any doubts about my answer.
“Is that a no?” He asked.
“No. It’s a Yes”
His face brightened ! “Thank you”, he said.
“But why did you first say you were sorry?” He quizzed.
“I just wanted to create some suspense”
We both laughed really hard and hugged each other.
“There are rules though” I said as we ended the hug.
“What’s that?” He asked.
“And of course no sex.”
The first thing we agreed on was the no kissing and no sex part. He said he had covenanted with God never to engage in such outside marriage.
However, he felt there was nothing wrong with hugging but I still insisted and he was compelled to agree.
Few weeks after, I checked my final results in school and the first thing I did when I saw him was to run into his arms.
“Did you just hug me?” He asked with his hands aloof.
© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
Our son was building a house with some lego blocks and I just sat down while I observed his building methods. The fascinating thing was that he actually started building his ‘castle’ from the roof. He would carry the whole building and fix it on top of a layer of blocks. He kept repeating this over and over. It really didn’t mean anything to me at that point. I simply looked on.
He successfully built about eight layers and then as he was trying to fix his castle on a foundation, it all came crashing down.
Immediately, I heard in my spirit, “You don’t build from the roof, you should set up the foundation first”.
And there lies the message in this post.
Some people ignore the importance of foundations. They are so much in a hurry to get the building up to the roof level and so throw caution to the wind. They channel their energies to the wrong places.
Let’s talk about relationships. . .
You see people entering into relationships and marriage without any concrete reason for doing so. They just want to be someone’s fiancée or wife. They do not think it’s necessary to make sure that the relationship has a firm foundation.
All they want is for them to be pampered with money/gifts. Once this is happening, they think that’s enough reason to start a serious relationship with this person even if they are miles apart when it comes to issues pertaining to their faith, visions and passions.
Some people also, build relationships based on sex. They give their bodies to be known by someone they are not even married to and think their compatibility in bed is enough to insure their marriage.
When they are supposed to be getting to know what’s important; ask questions and get answers, they are busy allowing their wandering eyes and fingers take the lead over reason.
They dedicate so much time into being sexually intimate and have no time to develop true unadulterated friendship.
They have no time either for getting information that will shed light on what they should be doing ad singles via books and messages.
Then, few months into the marriage, it comes crashing down. The sex is no longer good enough to keep the man at home and the gifts are no longer adequate to fill the void the woman feels in her heart.
It doesn’t end there. . .
Come into the Church with me. . .
So many people call themselves Christians and don’t even know Christ at all.
They learn the language of the kingdom coupled with about five verses if the Bible that they will use to bamboozle the church. Once they know how to say, “Bless you” and “It is well” and are able to quote Psalm 23 verse 6, they are of the opinion that they are Christians.
Instead of getting to know the Lord truly by developing thriving relationships with God, people run around seeking to be recognised.
Bread and butter Christians everywhere. People who refuse to grow up by feeding fat on the Word of God and spending time in the place of prayer.
Or why do we see so many frauds, wife batterers and prostitutes in our churches today?
And to crown it all up, when storms come against their lives in form of challenges, they fall flat.
It is unwise to do the right thing at a wrong time.
You shouldn’t build your life, career, relationship or marriage without a strong foundation.
Invest as much time as necessary into building solid foundations. In case you already started building without a foundation, for your good, I beseech you to go back and do so.
Castles built in the wind will surely collapse.
Not having good foundations spell doom.
Build on the sure foundation- Jesus Christ and experience stability in life.
When I was still single, one of my suitors was this guy who got himself disqualified because of just one action. I had even decided to pray to God about his proposal when he committed the blunder that blew his chances of me considering starting a relationship with him.
I can say that we were friends to an extent. What could have disqualified him was the age difference between us. He was almost ten years older than me. I couldn’t even call him by name or even speak freely with him. Now, that seemed like an issue for me because I felt the relationship was going to be laden with some sort of fear from me towards him.
I had been thinking about the age difference and had began talking to God about it when I decided to go speak with my Father in the Lord.
Immediately I raised the issue of the age difference, my Pastor spoke in favour of not letting age be a barrier hence shutting my heart completely to what God might be saying to me.
Lo and behold, this guy’s call came in as we finished speaking about the issue and my Pastor started teasing me. As I answered the call, I guess he could hear my dad speaking underground and he asked me who it was. I told him who I was with.
His next reaction left me in shock.
He started practically insulting my dad. I even mentioned to him again that that was my Pastor he was talking about and that he was a father figure in my life but he didn’t think what he did was wrong.
I tell you, that was about it with him.
Thank God for the Spirit of God. I was given a clear message I later got to read about from other people years later.
“Don’t marry anyone who respects no one”
A deadly choice of a spouse is that of a man or woman who has no reverence for anyone in particular. Someone whose parents and elder ones are toothpicks like Yoruba people would say is a disaster waiting to happen. Someone who has no regard for servants of God is a very bad choice for a spouse.
How will someone who does not revere people he can see revere God?
You cannot tell me that you fear God and respect Him and have no regard for fellow human beings.
This is because the fear of God will help you act wisely.
My single friends, I would be direct with you on this issue. Flee from such people.
And you yourself should fear God and learn to respect elders.
A spouse who respects no one in particular will give his/her partner problems.
Photo credit: Internet
Quite unlike me, I slept off on the sofa in the living room while watching a television programme one evening. The almighty kerosene slept off?
It was then that it dawned on me that I had been working so much and having very little time to rest in the preceeding days. Of course, my next line of action was to slow down on the work load and make sure I had adequate rest in the days following.
Many of us live our lives as such. We work and work without taking time out for our much deserved rest.
Rest refreshes you and gives you vigour to do more after the period of rest.
I am tending towards how lack of rest affects our marriage with this post. . .
With the peculiarity of families nowadays, husband and wife tend to come back home practically every day totally (or almost totally) fagged out.
We continue like this month after month; year after year and then we discover we don’t even ‘flow’ with each other anymore.
There is a need to set time for refreshing as a couple.
You need constant breaks from the hustle and bustle of the work place and businesses to keep in touch with each other.
You can’t just keep going in your marriage without making efforts to rejuvenate your relationship.
You will crash.
If you don’t plan that break and insist on taking it, you won’t.
You will just keep making excuses like, “Where do we keep the children?” “My work is so demanding” “Annual leave at my place of work is usually for just two weeks. ”
Let me tell you, there will always be a way of escape if you rely on the One who can make it possible. The One who set the pace for rest- God.
You can plan the annual leave of both od you to the same period. You can let grandma or a trusted relative watch the children for a few days. As a matter of fact, you can get a partner couple with whom you can swap watching the children so that both couples can organise their own get away.
You don’t need a whole month for the refreshing neither do you have to leave your house during that period if you can’t afford to. The simple fact that you do not have the children around will aid your connection.
Worst case scenario: you aren’t able to figure out how to handle all these barriers to the getaway and you know you need that period of refreshing. Pending the time you are able to organise a proper getaway, set the children to sleep early for the next few days and communicate with each other. Spend time alone without the interference of phones, television, etc.
Plan that period of refreshing my friends. You need it. You need that constant lubrication of your relationship. I tell you, you will be glad you do. Remember to send in your Prophet offering. Lol
You don’t have to go down the road of loosing connection with your spouse and being just housemates when you can keep the marriage going smoothly by taking time out to rest together on a regular basis.
Prevention is sure better than cure.