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Communicate and Take Dressing

I will like to share with you two incidences that occurred in my marriage; to let you know or further reiterate to you how important communication is in relationships and how you should react to sensitive issues when raised.

The first incidence: There was a lady who was really close to my husband. They’d been friends before my husband and I got married. I knew they were close pals but I observed their degree of closeness was deeper than I thought, after we got married. The lady is friendly, godly and all. I kinda liked that lady too and I would speak with her over the phone on some occasions. Even after we moved to another town and they didn’t have to see each other every day any more, the friendship was still strong.

But hey, I wasn’t feeling the closeness any longer.

This lady’s message would on many occasions be the first to come in in the morning and then she sometimes called at really odd hours at night; if you know what I mean. My spirit no longer agreed with that depth of friendship. I spoke to my husband about the uneasiness I was feeling. Yeah, just once. His reaction? He weaned himself from that relationship. He practically cut off communication with that lady such that I was the one that would ask after the lady to find out how she was doing and remind my husband about her birthday (because birthdays are really important to me); ask if he had wished her well but he would usually say, “No”. I thought it was an extreme measure taken by him but we discussed the issue and concluded it was better not to feed anything that could breed emotional infidelity.

The other incidence was about me:

One afternoon, after a few hours at work, my husband’s call came in and he said to me, “Why promise you would call back after your devotion at work and returned to the office, but didn’t?” I started arguing with him that I did as promised. He said it must have been in my dreams and then I told him to let me check my call log. I ended the call in order to check if I truly had called or not and I actually checked with the aim of getting proof that I was right all along but hey, I was maximally wrong. To my amazement, I really didn’t call him back.

He told me I had done the same thing some days before too and that was why he decided to call me out on the issue. Ha, me that I can call for Africa? I was overridden by my tight schedule at work that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to my husband for hours; quite unlike me.

I could have turned it on him that what was wrong with him calling back if I didn’t. But I didn’t. Instead, I took dressing.

Him raising the issue made me aware of what I was doing without even noticing it. And that put in me the consciousness of being alert in my spirit to keeping the communication lines open as we had always done.

I decided to share two instances so as to balance up the point I am trying to make.

You will notice that in both instances, we both took appropriate action in making the relationship move forward after the little hitches showed up on our way.

Instead of keeping your grievances stuck away in the corner of your heart, speak out about them. Voice out your concerns to your partner and lovingly try to resolve them.

When you are the one at the receiving end of the act that has caused the displeasure in your partner, please be totally objective about the issue raised. Don’t be quick to wash your hands off all guilt. Make sure you look inward and ascertain the areas you need to work on.

The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.

It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.

Neither is it good to form the habit of always shaking off all faults from yourself when your partner discusses with you issues that matter to them

On a final note, know that no issue should be regarded as too little or too big to talk about with your partner. Make sure to nip in the bud any tree of negativity trying to take root in your relationship, with all sense of promptness.

Shalom!

– OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD 

 

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Mutual Responsibility Is Required

 

Marriage at its best is a relationship so close and intimate that the two of you work together as one. It involves mutual trust, mutual support, mutual defense, mutual comfort, mutual vulnerability and mutual responsibility.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9‭-‬10 NLT)

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ ” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:4‭-‬6 NLT)

Husbands should love their wives sacrificially, with the depth of love that Christ showed when He dies for us.

Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. (Ecclesiastes 9:9 NLT)

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21 NLT)

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7 NLT)

A wife should love her husband sacrificially, helping and supporting him, believing in him and submitting to him.

Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11‭-‬12 NLT)

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22‭-‬24 NLT)

God commands husband’s and wives to be loyal to one another. He does not merely suggest this.

Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. (Malachi 2:15 NLT)

Husbands and wives must be faithful to each other, seeking to satisfy and honour each other.

Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. (Proverbs 5:15‭, ‬18‭-‬19 NLT)

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:3‭-‬4 NLT)

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. (Hebrews 13:4 NLT)

It is evident that it is the responsibility of the two people involved in a marriage to make it beautiful. Join forces with spouse to build a beautiful marriage.

You can have an enjoyable marriage. If only you can WORK at one.

 

7 Premarital Errors To Avoid

If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Laying the wrong foundation for your marriage can only land you in disaster.

I have identified some errors which can destroy your ‘happily ever after’; that you can fall into while looking forward to married life. I have chosen to share with you 7 of these errors in this video.

Watch out for these and run far from them like a plague if you don’t want to find yourself buried under the rubble of a bad marriage…

WATCH THE VIDEO NOW

SEX IN MARRIAGE : A Message to Women

Many men complain about their wives depriving them of sex. As much as the men have a part to play in the overall health of their sex life, I have chosen to speak to women about the importance of sex in marriage. In this video, I also encourage the women to deal with the issues that might be responsible for their hatred for / lack of interest in marital sex.

This video is focused on single and married women.

This was a live broadcast and here’s the replay.

WATCH IT NOW

Remember to share this video with your friends… You might be saving a marriage from crashing.

Spark to Flames

Let’s take the fireplace as a case study:

You know, when you gather sticks to cook on a fireplace, for you to have a smooth cooking experience you have to continually shake off the ash from the sticks and push them further inside so that they can together give you better igniting power.

It is so with marriage too. Your marriage can get better no matter how long you have been married for or what your marriage looks like now.

Watch this video now to find out more:

This video is a replay from the webinar for married women organized by The Beautiful Branch Ministries.

Please remember to share this with your married female friends.

Three Stages of Marriage

 

•Are you married?
•Married but feeling single?
•Feel like giving up on your marriage? Wait…
•Are you single and planning to get married?

Watch this video to arm yourself with some indispensable knowledge for having a successful marriage as I share with you the three stages of marriage.

Please share this with your friends!

Thanks

 

One Goal, Different Approaches

One day, I watched my husband’s style of ironing shirts and I was wondering just how much different it was from how I do mine.

I then told him, “My father did not teach me to iron men’s shirts the way you are ironing them right now.” I explained how I was taught to do mine. I remember him jokingly say he didn’t even know where he learnt to iron that way.

The next time I was going to iron shirts, I tried out his method and it actually seemed logically easier although it felt strange trying a completely different method after so many years of doing it in a particular way. For me, it wasn’t as easy as it seemed when my husband was ironing that way. I reverted to my style after a few tries.

What mattered in the end was for the shirts to be free of wrinkles.

As I ruminated on that experience a while ago, my thoughts were directed towards marriage.

In marriage, you and your spouse will not always think the same way. Why? You are coming from different backgrounds and no two people are exactly the same anyway.

Look at football teams for instance; the players usually have varying heights. Yet they are able to work together. What will give them success is their ability to blend their differences by allowing each person fit into the positions that best reflects their strengths.

Your relationship will be peaceful if you always think of you and your spouse as a team despite your obvious differences.

Your spouse is NOT your opponent. Don’t treat him/her like one. When you disagree, don’t turn it into a battle that you have to win.

Don’t be a rigid person; unwilling to compromise when necessary.

Look for a way to always walk around your differences without making him/her an enemy.

What you need is the skill of play. . . Be a team player.

. . . And embrace your uniqueness as individuals and as a couple.

Every relationship / marriage is unique since the partners are unique.

Some of us make the mistake of trying to bring into our marriages ideas from the past or other people’s relationships without checking if they are workable in our own relationships. I have found this to be a major reason for fall out among couples.

Know that it usually isn’t that the ideas are wrong in themselves but they might just not be right for you.

Understudy yourself, your partner and your marriage.

The understanding of these three entities will help you walk together with your partner in an atmosphere of happiness.

Always set your eyes on the goal of building a happy marriage.

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
2017

Picture source : Internet

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You Are Being Watched

I recently watched one of the short films by Mount Zion Film ministries where the husband who was a ‘pastor’ was always abusive and treating the wife badly.

On a particular Sunday morning, this ‘pastor’ called the wife useless because she didn’t prepare him breakfast before leaving the house for church. The wife too had her replies for him while trying to tie her headgear. Just after the woman had finished tying the “gele” beautifully on her head, the husband lost control and pulled off the gele from her head. And of course like you might have expected, the wife lost control and started abusing and calling the man names too.

The part that got me reeling with laughter was when the ‘pastor’ told his wife not to grieve the Holy Spirit in him.

Haba… “Which Holy Spirit was he talking about?” was what came to mind after laughing at the woman’s reply.

She had said that the man should have noticed that the church members were always slumbering (with special emphasis on slumbering) while he preached. Thereby telling him about how he carried no fire as a man of God. (Ouch)

Don’t mind me; I kinda like narratives…

All this continued with their young daughter in the back seat watching their uncensored drama.

While still on their fight, the pastor sighted a church member at the next junction.

The pastor asked the woman to quickly retie her gele while she eyed him in displeasure.

The young man was greeted with a very broad smile by the pastor. And then he excitedly said something that sounded really ridiculous to me, “Hop into the vehicle of salvation”. (Ha)

Well, the brother ‘hopped’ in and the pastor asked him for permission to help his wife tie her gele. He pretended to be helping the woman out but was actually giving her knocks on her head as often as he could while he kept the brother’s gaze tied to his smiling face.

. . . Then he did the worst by comparing himself with Jesus who had washed His disciples feet.

When he was done with his ‘excellent service’, they continued their journey to church.

The next absurd thing he did was to give the brother an unsolicited advice of finding a wife. He however did not miss the opportunity to call his wife useless again by adding clause that the brother must bring his fiancee to him for cross examination since there were lots of fake sisters out in the world in this age.

On their way to church, the brother complained about the atmosphere of the car was hot. The pastor on the other hand claimed the AC was on. (“O what a spiritually sensitive brother that is”, I said to myself).

While they were still on that, the conversation between the pastor and his wife was being replayed to them in the car from the very beginning.

. . .The child had been recording their conversation all the while.

The husband and wife covered their faces in shame while the brother insisted on alighting from the car immediately.

Hello there!

God is recording all the evil and insulting words you speak to your wife

All the times you broke her spirit instead of being there to lift it up

All the number of times you have slapped and punched her and still held her hands while you walked into church.

He sees your hypocrisy. . .

And you sister and wife, God is watching you in 8D. He sees every way you verbally abuse your husband in private and then come to praise him on social media.

You can’t deceive God even if you keep deceiving people around you.

Repent of your evil ways and submit to God in your marriage.

And be careful my single friends. . .

The fact that everyone calls that brother “Pastor” or the sister “Mama” doesn’t necessarily make them saints after all.

Don’t be carried away by that charade.

May God help us build godly homes; safe havens for us and people around us!

  • OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
    ©2017

Photo credit: internet

Relationships On Purpose

People get married for so many reasons and when the reasons of both partners do not synchronize there is bound to be problems in that kind of relationship.

Planning to get married? Great!

Don’t stop there though.

Plan to stay married.

Knowing why you are getting married in the first instance will help you achieve the aim of staying happily married.

I have been so keen on this purpose issue for several years now. After having read a number of books on the importance of knowing the purpose of your existence and things you want to embark on back then, the issue of purpose discovery has been something I take very seriously.

And I believe you should too.

You must know the purpose of marriage and then balance it up by marrying someone who also knows very well the purpose of marriage.

If someone who wants to stay married marries someone who does not want to, there will be a catastrophe.

What am I saying to you in essence?

Make sure you pursue purpose above every other thing.

. . .and make sure to marry someone who is ready to pursue a like passion.

Can two walk together except they agree? I guess you must know the answer.

This does not apply only to marriage relationships but all relationships for that matter.

Invest your time in building purposeful relationships ONLY.

Doing otherwise is a complete waste of your precious time.

Be guided.

  • OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
    ©2017
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