Skip to main content

Communicate and Take Dressing

I will like to share with you two incidences that occurred in my marriage; to let you know or further reiterate to you how important communication is in relationships and how you should react to sensitive issues when raised.

The first incidence: There was a lady who was really close to my husband. They’d been friends before my husband and I got married. I knew they were close pals but I observed their degree of closeness was deeper than I thought, after we got married. The lady is friendly, godly and all. I kinda liked that lady too and I would speak with her over the phone on some occasions. Even after we moved to another town and they didn’t have to see each other every day any more, the friendship was still strong.

But hey, I wasn’t feeling the closeness any longer.

This lady’s message would on many occasions be the first to come in in the morning and then she sometimes called at really odd hours at night; if you know what I mean. My spirit no longer agreed with that depth of friendship. I spoke to my husband about the uneasiness I was feeling. Yeah, just once. His reaction? He weaned himself from that relationship. He practically cut off communication with that lady such that I was the one that would ask after the lady to find out how she was doing and remind my husband about her birthday (because birthdays are really important to me); ask if he had wished her well but he would usually say, “No”. I thought it was an extreme measure taken by him but we discussed the issue and concluded it was better not to feed anything that could breed emotional infidelity.

The other incidence was about me:

One afternoon, after a few hours at work, my husband’s call came in and he said to me, “Why promise you would call back after your devotion at work and returned to the office, but didn’t?” I started arguing with him that I did as promised. He said it must have been in my dreams and then I told him to let me check my call log. I ended the call in order to check if I truly had called or not and I actually checked with the aim of getting proof that I was right all along but hey, I was maximally wrong. To my amazement, I really didn’t call him back.

He told me I had done the same thing some days before too and that was why he decided to call me out on the issue. Ha, me that I can call for Africa? I was overridden by my tight schedule at work that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to my husband for hours; quite unlike me.

I could have turned it on him that what was wrong with him calling back if I didn’t. But I didn’t. Instead, I took dressing.

Him raising the issue made me aware of what I was doing without even noticing it. And that put in me the consciousness of being alert in my spirit to keeping the communication lines open as we had always done.

I decided to share two instances so as to balance up the point I am trying to make.

You will notice that in both instances, we both took appropriate action in making the relationship move forward after the little hitches showed up on our way.

Instead of keeping your grievances stuck away in the corner of your heart, speak out about them. Voice out your concerns to your partner and lovingly try to resolve them.

When you are the one at the receiving end of the act that has caused the displeasure in your partner, please be totally objective about the issue raised. Don’t be quick to wash your hands off all guilt. Make sure you look inward and ascertain the areas you need to work on.

The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.

It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.

Neither is it good to form the habit of always shaking off all faults from yourself when your partner discusses with you issues that matter to them

On a final note, know that no issue should be regarded as too little or too big to talk about with your partner. Make sure to nip in the bud any tree of negativity trying to take root in your relationship, with all sense of promptness.

Shalom!

– OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD 

 

P. S. Scroll down to subscribe to This Blog to receive my posts directly in your email. 

Celebrate Your Love

It so happens that my husband’s birthday and our wedding anniversary are exactly 7days apart so i normally put up posts to celebrate both on Facebook. Last year, someone on my friend list made a comment on the birthday post I had put up to celebrate my husband. This person said I should not proclaim my husband. And his reason is that he felt I should be scared of husband snatchers. All I could do at that time was smile endlessly.

Here really is the point. I am a minister and my marriage is a ministry. I am an encourager and my marriage should be too. I don’t talk about my life to brag to anyone but to encourage people that they can have fulfilling relationships under God. I do what i do out of personal conviction. I have never said my life/spouse/marriage was perfect. I am simply an epitome of God’s grace and I am ALWAYS humbled by that fact.

However, we hear too many negative stories about marriage in our wold today. We need to counter the effect of all the negativity though by pitching the positive stories to the glory of God. The very reason I love posts where spouses celebrate their marriages of several years.

I remember someone reacting to that friend’s comment and asking why I still thanked the person for such a comment. My response was that we see things differently one from another and my show of gratitude was not sarcastic. I meant it. It doesn’t necessarily mean one is right and the other is wrong if we hold varying views about an issue. What’s important is to have the right motives for whatever we do and how we do them.

Well, as usual I talked to God about that incidence and I got a clear. . .

“There is no fear in love” was what I heard in my spirit.

I love the book of Songs of Solomon like wetin happen. And it is a support system for this post.

The man and his woman in that book did so well celebrating their love. They told each other how wonderful they were to each other. . . And they told others too.

The love they shared obviously thrived so well. They watered their love with their words as they did with their actions.

I have heard some married women say that the last time they heard their husbands tell them that they loved them was on their wedding day. And God help those who got married in a country like Nigeria where you don’t even have to say “I love you”, to your spouse on your wedding day.

I feel so elated when my husband speaks highly about me while teaching in Church or while just speaking to people. Of course I know he loves me but we still make sure to affirm our love for each other at every given opportunity.

I sometimes laugh within myself when I see someone talking to the spouse over the phone end the call with “you too”. I could almost guess that the person on the other side of the phone had said “I love you”. You shouldn’t get tired of saying “I love you” to your spouse. . . And be sure you mean it.

When last did you tell your wife or husband that you love them?

When last did you send an SMS or email to remind him/her how much you cherish him/her?

How about you pick up your phone and give your spouse a call. . .Tell him/her you are thinking of him and you love her.

Yes, he/she probably knows that you love him/her. It is however imperative that you tell your spouse constantly.

It’s okay if you decide to celebrate your love only in the corners of your house.

It’s okay also if you decide to ask others to celebrate with you like the Shulamite in the book of Song of Solomon.

However way you decide. . .

Choose wisely. . .

Just make sure you celebrate and strengthen the chords of your love. Celebrate your spouse! Celebrate the grace of God. Celebrate God’s way.

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD

%d bloggers like this: