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Communicate and Take Dressing

I will like to share with you two incidences that occurred in my marriage; to let you know or further reiterate to you how important communication is in relationships and how you should react to sensitive issues when raised.

The first incidence: There was a lady who was really close to my husband. They’d been friends before my husband and I got married. I knew they were close pals but I observed their degree of closeness was deeper than I thought, after we got married. The lady is friendly, godly and all. I kinda liked that lady too and I would speak with her over the phone on some occasions. Even after we moved to another town and they didn’t have to see each other every day any more, the friendship was still strong.

But hey, I wasn’t feeling the closeness any longer.

This lady’s message would on many occasions be the first to come in in the morning and then she sometimes called at really odd hours at night; if you know what I mean. My spirit no longer agreed with that depth of friendship. I spoke to my husband about the uneasiness I was feeling. Yeah, just once. His reaction? He weaned himself from that relationship. He practically cut off communication with that lady such that I was the one that would ask after the lady to find out how she was doing and remind my husband about her birthday (because birthdays are really important to me); ask if he had wished her well but he would usually say, “No”. I thought it was an extreme measure taken by him but we discussed the issue and concluded it was better not to feed anything that could breed emotional infidelity.

The other incidence was about me:

One afternoon, after a few hours at work, my husband’s call came in and he said to me, “Why promise you would call back after your devotion at work and returned to the office, but didn’t?” I started arguing with him that I did as promised. He said it must have been in my dreams and then I told him to let me check my call log. I ended the call in order to check if I truly had called or not and I actually checked with the aim of getting proof that I was right all along but hey, I was maximally wrong. To my amazement, I really didn’t call him back.

He told me I had done the same thing some days before too and that was why he decided to call me out on the issue. Ha, me that I can call for Africa? I was overridden by my tight schedule at work that I didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to my husband for hours; quite unlike me.

I could have turned it on him that what was wrong with him calling back if I didn’t. But I didn’t. Instead, I took dressing.

Him raising the issue made me aware of what I was doing without even noticing it. And that put in me the consciousness of being alert in my spirit to keeping the communication lines open as we had always done.

I decided to share two instances so as to balance up the point I am trying to make.

You will notice that in both instances, we both took appropriate action in making the relationship move forward after the little hitches showed up on our way.

Instead of keeping your grievances stuck away in the corner of your heart, speak out about them. Voice out your concerns to your partner and lovingly try to resolve them.

When you are the one at the receiving end of the act that has caused the displeasure in your partner, please be totally objective about the issue raised. Don’t be quick to wash your hands off all guilt. Make sure you look inward and ascertain the areas you need to work on.

The purpose of communication is to ensure that your relationship is better afterwards.

It is not healthy to keep in your heart things you are not pleased with, when you should let your partner know. It will cause a build up of resentment towards your partner.

Neither is it good to form the habit of always shaking off all faults from yourself when your partner discusses with you issues that matter to them

On a final note, know that no issue should be regarded as too little or too big to talk about with your partner. Make sure to nip in the bud any tree of negativity trying to take root in your relationship, with all sense of promptness.

Shalom!

– OMOSEBI Mary Omolola, PhD 

 

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BE FULLY PREPARED FOR SUCCESS

“By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail”.

Do you know that statement? In case you didn’t know, it is true. Yeah, that statement right up there is very true.

When people look into their future, they have one of two reactions. The first reaction you can have about your future is that of fear. The other is optimism.

However, I make bold to say that just being optimistic cannot guarantee you of that beautiful future that you so much long for. You just have to do something to ensure that you have that beautiful future. You have to put in some work. It is not enough to wish for a successful future; you’ve got to WORK for it.

Even the Bible tells us that faith without works is dead.

On the other hand, being fear will cripple you and debar you from taking any steps towards a successful future. Worse still, it makes you loose interest in the future after all.

The idea of preparing for a glorious future is relevant in EVERY aspect of life. This is so because the first step in the process of preparation is your decision to have a glorious future in that particular endeavour… It all begins in your mind.

This is why it is imperative to feed your mind with stuff that will help you succeed.

To help you prepare for married life, I have provided a 3-part video resource for you and I strongly believe that you should watch all.

My aim is to inspire you to plan for a successful marriage. . .

In video 1, you will find out why it is important to be sure you really should get married. It will even help you reevaluate your reasons for wanting to get married.

In video 2, I highlight in clear terms what you should do while getting ready for marriage. You will learn about stuff you should talk about during courtship.

In video 3, you will learn about what to expect in the early years of marriage…

To access these videos, please click HERE

P. S. Feel free to share with all the singles on your list or among your friends… Encourage them to prepare.

Be blessed!

7 Premarital Errors To Avoid

If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Laying the wrong foundation for your marriage can only land you in disaster.

I have identified some errors which can destroy your ‘happily ever after’; that you can fall into while looking forward to married life. I have chosen to share with you 7 of these errors in this video.

Watch out for these and run far from them like a plague if you don’t want to find yourself buried under the rubble of a bad marriage…

WATCH THE VIDEO NOW

One Goal, Different Approaches

One day, I watched my husband’s style of ironing shirts and I was wondering just how much different it was from how I do mine.

I then told him, “My father did not teach me to iron men’s shirts the way you are ironing them right now.” I explained how I was taught to do mine. I remember him jokingly say he didn’t even know where he learnt to iron that way.

The next time I was going to iron shirts, I tried out his method and it actually seemed logically easier although it felt strange trying a completely different method after so many years of doing it in a particular way. For me, it wasn’t as easy as it seemed when my husband was ironing that way. I reverted to my style after a few tries.

What mattered in the end was for the shirts to be free of wrinkles.

As I ruminated on that experience a while ago, my thoughts were directed towards marriage.

In marriage, you and your spouse will not always think the same way. Why? You are coming from different backgrounds and no two people are exactly the same anyway.

Look at football teams for instance; the players usually have varying heights. Yet they are able to work together. What will give them success is their ability to blend their differences by allowing each person fit into the positions that best reflects their strengths.

Your relationship will be peaceful if you always think of you and your spouse as a team despite your obvious differences.

Your spouse is NOT your opponent. Don’t treat him/her like one. When you disagree, don’t turn it into a battle that you have to win.

Don’t be a rigid person; unwilling to compromise when necessary.

Look for a way to always walk around your differences without making him/her an enemy.

What you need is the skill of play. . . Be a team player.

. . . And embrace your uniqueness as individuals and as a couple.

Every relationship / marriage is unique since the partners are unique.

Some of us make the mistake of trying to bring into our marriages ideas from the past or other people’s relationships without checking if they are workable in our own relationships. I have found this to be a major reason for fall out among couples.

Know that it usually isn’t that the ideas are wrong in themselves but they might just not be right for you.

Understudy yourself, your partner and your marriage.

The understanding of these three entities will help you walk together with your partner in an atmosphere of happiness.

Always set your eyes on the goal of building a happy marriage.

© OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
2017

Picture source : Internet

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Not Perfect After All

A short while ago I stumbled on a friend’s post on Facebook and I was almost going to faint at the sight. I mean, this guy is someone I know his story so well.

The thing is that he beats his wife blue-black.

Yet on this particular day he went on and on gushing about how much he loved his wife and how he couldn’t do without her.

I felt like sending all the people who were commenting on his post and saying things like “perfect couple” or “you guys are an ideal couple” or “I covet your anointing” in for surgery to remove the scales off their eyes. The comments actually almost made me faint again.

I am narrating this experience to tell you two things:

Firstly, stop the hypocrisy please. Go back home and be good to your spouse for real. Many hide under the ability to put up a fake life on social media. This is not supposed to be so.

For you to be posing a perfect life for people to see, it seems to me that you admire that kind of lifestyle.

Why don’t you work at turning your dream into a reality.

Yes you can!

Make that your priority henceforth instead of putting your energy on pretence.

Secondly, don’t judge a book by its cover.

I hear things like, “I want a marriage just like yours” or “I want to marry a man just like your husband” a lot.

. . . Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

And it might be disastrous.

There are lots of fake people out there.

You don’t know the tears behind the smiles you see.

It’s cool to admire good things in the life of others but don’t peg yourself on their pedestal.

Instead ask for God’s best for your own life.

Face your lane.

May God grant your heart desires according to His will for you!

OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
©2017

 

Photo credit : Love panky online

 

Relationships On Purpose

People get married for so many reasons and when the reasons of both partners do not synchronize there is bound to be problems in that kind of relationship.

Planning to get married? Great!

Don’t stop there though.

Plan to stay married.

Knowing why you are getting married in the first instance will help you achieve the aim of staying happily married.

I have been so keen on this purpose issue for several years now. After having read a number of books on the importance of knowing the purpose of your existence and things you want to embark on back then, the issue of purpose discovery has been something I take very seriously.

And I believe you should too.

You must know the purpose of marriage and then balance it up by marrying someone who also knows very well the purpose of marriage.

If someone who wants to stay married marries someone who does not want to, there will be a catastrophe.

What am I saying to you in essence?

Make sure you pursue purpose above every other thing.

. . .and make sure to marry someone who is ready to pursue a like passion.

Can two walk together except they agree? I guess you must know the answer.

This does not apply only to marriage relationships but all relationships for that matter.

Invest your time in building purposeful relationships ONLY.

Doing otherwise is a complete waste of your precious time.

Be guided.

  • OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
    ©2017

Relationships: Forever or Not

african-american-women-talking1

I met an old classmate of mine recently. We hadn’t seen each other in about twenty years. We have exchanged birthday greetings on Facebook over the last four years though.

Then I remembered how we were always talking then.

It was then that I had a swift journey into my past. I checked out the several people I have had to relate with over the years at different times.

Some relationships just have expiry dates and there is nothing you can do about it. Any attempt to make that kind of relationship have a longer lifespan than what it should may leave both parties hurt and they will have to part ways on a not too good note.

My mother once told me something that has stuck with me since then.

She said, “Some people were relevant in your past but not any more. Some others are relevant in your life at the moment and may soon not be again and some others are set to be relevant in your future. A few however would be a part of your life through all the seasons of your life.”

Now here’s the lesson to go by:

She told me, “Be grateful for the seasonal relationships and never take for granted the ’till death do us part’ relationships”.

I have found her statement to be very true.

I have had several relationships that lasted different durations.

A particular one that served as the beginning of my new perspective was one that ended a couple of years ago.  What really happened was that my spirit felt totally disconnected from that person at a point after a few years of friendship. But I couldn’t seem to let go when my relationship with that person practically hit the rocks. I thought that cutting ties with that person was a sign of unforgiveness even after I had prayed about it. I harboured some sort of guilt for being responsible for the death of that relationship.

But then after a lot of struggle, my mind was put to rest when I just was convinced that the “time for embrace” was over.

Of course we still talk to each other even now but no longer at the depth we had grown to at a point.

Don’t feel disappointed when a particular relationship just won’t work no matter how hard you try. The only caution is to be sure you don’t harbour any form of resentment against the other party.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. . . A time to embrace and a time to turn away. (Ecclesiastes 3:1‭, ‬5b NLT)

Align your spirit with God’s purpose for every relationship you find yourself in.

That is the only time you will be able to gladly let go of relationships that have fulfilled their purposes and gallantly enter into others.

Enjoy your relationships for as long as they last.

Always seek to discover the purpose of every relationship you are in.

Pursue only purposeful relationships.

And never let go of relationships that are meant to last no matter the storm that rages against that your relation-ship.

-OMOSEBI Mary Omolola (PhD)
© 2016

Dear Women. . .

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I want us to learn something from a woman in the Bible to whom I am endeared. She is the woman in the book of Song of Solomon- the Shulamite.

The Shulamite told her man what she wanted from him. You may want to read the Song of Solomon to see for yourself.

Many of us just expect our men to know what to say or do.

Helloooo, they are not spirits.

We must learn to communicate our needs to them.

Communication is very important in any relationship marriage inclusive.

Stop assuming that he can read the expression on your face or that he knows why you are banging the door angrily and he’s chosen to ignore.

What will happen is that frustration builds up and you are all the more unhappy thus creating a wider gap between both of you. An inch today, and another inch tomorrow, the farther apart you are growing.

Instead of thinking that he’s just insensitive, tell him explicitly (and lovingly) what you want.

Even if you’re yet to be married, start learning how to talk it out respectfully.

Your courtship is meant for praying and TALKING. Talk, communicate about every (and I mean EVERY) possible thing.

You are on the dress rehearsal, rehearse well. It’ll aid your performance when the real show begins.

Save yourselves and your marriage the stress.

This applies to men too as much as it does to women but this post is directed at the women.

I will surely be back for the men. . .

In all, make sure you do this one thing:

COMMUNICATE!

-Omosebi Mary Omolola (PhD)
© 2016

A Deadly Choice of a Spouse

Bond

When I was still single, one of my suitors was this guy who got himself disqualified because of just one action. I had even decided to pray to God about his proposal when he committed the blunder that blew his chances of me considering starting a relationship with him.

I can say that we were friends to an extent. What could have disqualified him was the age difference between us. He was almost ten years older than me. I couldn’t even call him by name or even speak freely with him. Now, that seemed like an issue for me because I felt the relationship was going to be laden with some sort of fear from me towards him.

I had been thinking about the age difference and had began talking to God about it when I decided to go speak with my Father in the Lord.

Immediately I raised the issue of the age difference, my Pastor spoke in favour of not letting age be a barrier hence shutting my heart completely to what God might be saying to me.

Lo and behold, this guy’s call came in as we finished speaking about the issue and my Pastor started teasing me. As I answered the call, I guess he could hear my dad speaking underground and he asked me who it was. I told him who I was with.

His next reaction left me in shock.

He started practically insulting my dad. I even mentioned to him again that that was my Pastor he was talking about and that he was a father figure in my life but he didn’t think what he did was wrong.

I tell you, that was about it with him.

Thank God for the Spirit of God. I was given a clear message I later got to read about from other people years later.

“Don’t marry anyone who respects no one”

A deadly choice of a spouse is that of a man or woman who has no reverence for anyone in particular. Someone whose parents and elder ones are toothpicks like Yoruba people would say is a disaster waiting to happen. Someone who has no regard for servants of God is a very bad choice for a spouse.

How will someone who does not revere people he can see revere God?

You cannot tell me that you fear God and respect Him and have no regard for fellow human beings.

This is because the fear of God will help you act wisely.

My single friends, I would be direct with you on this issue. Flee from such people.

And you yourself should fear God and learn to respect elders.

A spouse who respects no one in particular will give his/her partner problems.

Be guided.

  • OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
    © 2016

Photo credit: Internet

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