You find some people complaining about their spouses and if you take time to dig very well into the underlying issues, you will find out that the exact thing they are complaining about didn’t just come to be. It has been right there all along; although most times as the smaller version. They saw it during courtship but turned a blind eye. (I really don’t know which saying exactly they follow; “Love is blind” or “Love covers a multitude of sin”). . .
It is possible that not always do you see the danger signs clearly (since some people could be almost perfect with their acting skills). But seriously, I have come to realize that every little detail that gets ignored before marriage were actually warning signs. Open your eyes wide my dear. If need be put on a pair of glasses with magnification of x100. Lol.
I remember coming out of my room on a certain night while I was running a postgraduate program in a bid to fetch water from the tap on the lower floor of my hostel building as it was around that time that they make water available if they would and I was welcomed to a free live drama. I saw a guy yelling at a lady on the stairway so I just stood at a corner to observe what was going on. The guy told the lady that he was done with her and that he only stayed with her to pass time. Yet this lady kept begging this guy despite him ridiculing her that much. He later said it was okay for them to carry on with the relationship but not without warning her never to question his authority again else the relationship would be over for good the next time he decided to call it quits; as if he was doing her favour by remaining in a relationship with her. I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen in their marriage if they ended up getting married to each other; just imagine those two actually ending up getting married to each other . . .
You might as well get ready for the greatest shock of your life if you choose to turn a blind eye to the bad ways he reacts or speaks to you or others now. If he’s acting badly towards others but not you now, get ready, because it’ll soon be your turn. And that’s most likely going to be after he gets you totally into his hands. Then he stops the pretence and the ‘real’ him reveals himself to you from under the covering. It’s so easy to get carried away by the sweetness of the relationship; you are swept off your feet by the lovey-dovey actions towards each other.
Marriage is the place of reality. Wake up from your sleep!
So he’s shouting at you now, he’ll yell even more once you’re married. He disrespects you now? He’ll walk all over you in marriage. He slaps you now? He’ll punch, box and whip you very well after you’re married. He flirts with women? He’ll graduate afterwards. He feels insecure and threatened by your visions or achievement now? He’ll do everything to push you under later on. He shows signs of distrust now and always suspects you’re cheating on him now? He’ll make your life a living hell soon enough because he would seize your phone, stop you from associating with people and probably beat you mercilessly one day when you make a mistake of smiling too much at another guy.
Is she always concerned about what she will wear and would rather you give her the shikini money in your account so she could buy the latest design of shoes or Peruvian wigs instead of you using it to purchase your postgraduate form? You are in for a long thing o. She might as well spend your children’s school fees on aso-ebi and squander all your life’s savings. You enter her room and it always looks like a dumpster? Get ready to see piles and piles of used dishes in your kitchen sink and be ready to always call her to fix the living room before you bring any of your friends home else you face the embarrassment of your life.
The list is endless.
You see, that pair of spectacles I recommended earlier will automatically glue itself to your eyes on the wedding day. Then, you’ll be forced to see clearly.
My simple piece of advice to my brothers and sisters who aren’t married yet is “Shine ya eyes well well”! This does not necessarily mean that you dissolve the relationship (if God doesn’t want you to) but so that you might be prepared for what is probably coming to you in marriage.
I pray for you that God will reveal every hidden problematic issue with that fiancé or intending fiancé (or fiancée) of yours. May He grant you the grace to discern and make the right judgement. May He help you take the right action before it is too late in Jesus’ name!
— OMOSEBI, Mary Omolola, PhD
