Just like the adage says that “there is no smoke without a fire”, many times, a spouse’s jealousy might be attached to an iota of truth- if not a truck load. If your spouse is jealous, don’t just discard the signs he/she is exhibiting. What to do? EXAMINE YOURSELF.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the spirits (Proverbs 16:2).
It could be frustrating dealing with false accusations from your mate. However, don’t be quick to try to exonerate yourself. You may have done nothing wrong to prompt your spouse’s accusations, yet you may have contributed to the problem in ways you have not seen. You might be guilty as charged. You just may have set yourself up. When cases of jealousy exhibition from your spouse comes up, do some self-evaluation, trusting The Holy Spirit to help you through the process. The heart is deceitful above all things, only God can do a through searching. He sees the crevices harbouring guilty actions which even you, the heart’s owner may not see.
I am not in anyway suggesting that it is all your fault. As a matter of fact, it is possible that your spouse really needs help. It might be that your spouse has some issues with security stemming from the background or past relationships. I am however not here to talk about your spouse today.
This checklist by Doug Britton will be of help. Answer the following questions honestly:
___Do you do or say things to get a reaction?
___ Do you feel more desirable or attractive when your spouse is jealous?
___ Do you think it is cute when your mate is jealous?
___ Do you flirt with others?
___ Do you look at pornography?
___ Do you watch TV sitcoms or movies that highlight sexual innuendoes?
___ Do you stare at others?
___ Do you deny staring when your spouse confronts you—even though the accusation was true?
___ Do you make complimentary comments about others of the opposite sex?
___ Are you developing an emotional relationship with someone else?
___ Are you having an affair?
___ Do you emphasize physical attractiveness in your compliments?
Note: If you emphasize physical attractiveness in your compliments, your spouse may be insecure in your love, thinking you love him or her for physical reasons and not for his or her inner qualities. Your spouse may fear becoming less attractive and losing you.
If one or more of the above points applies to you, be honest with your spouse. Don’t tell him or her, “You have a problem,” or, “It’s all in your head.” Instead, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness, then go to work on making the changes you should make.
Sometimes, God allows our spouses to see in us things we are insensitive to. He wants to save us from falling. That’s why the Bible tells us that “two are better than one”. Your spouse is your help. Your spouse might be seeing a danger sign. Don’t discard any points raised by your spouse without thoroughly allowing it to go through the courthouse of The Holy Spirit.
-Omosebi, Mary Omolola